


Ruffled Feathers

by GudufuFruit



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Aziraphale/Crowley - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, I hurt the poor angel, I really fucking hurt Aziraphale, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Self-Mutilation, Snake Crowley (Good Omens), Sorry there will be no smut in this one, bed sharing, but no human affections, in future ones yes, lots of gentleness, lots of snuggles, shape shifting, yep lemme just fuck this poor boi up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-17
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-06-30 02:39:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19843846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GudufuFruit/pseuds/GudufuFruit
Summary: There are consequences when one goes against heaven and hell...Basically a fic on what happens after the end that didn't happen. What becomes of Crowley and Aziraphale.Note: I fucking LOVE hurting characters so forgive me. There will be quite a bit of pain, a depressed Angel, and a snake trying his damnest to cheer him up.Also, yes they ARE a thing. They just don't show affection through human means. Lots of gentle touches but no sex or kissing. But, again, they ARE a thing. I state them as friends here and there, that's just me writing.





	1. Chapter 1

It had been approximately three weeks since the end that never came had come to pass. It was a bit odd at first, not having to send reports to their respective head offices.

Aziraphale found himself writing something up more often than not just to toss it out. He didn't have those responsibilities anymore.

Crowley, on the other hand, had no qualms in getting rid of that chore. Such a bother to send them this and that, word it correctly, explain how it impacted the masses and caused mayhem. No, he could just lounge about, his focus on something far more important.

"That was absolutely delicious-it's a wonder we never came here before."

Aziraphale had a bounce in his step as he walked, elated by the delicious treat of yet another meal with his best friend. His partner. He personally didn't like Crowley jokingly calling them partners in  _ crime _ but he did agree that they were more than best friends. Something much more. 

"Mm yeah, though their tea was more water than anything."

The angel gave a nod, his steps growing ever closer to his friend. Crowley easily caught onto this and had a slight grin slip across his lips. He let out a soft sigh, spotting his Bentley in the distance. 

He opened the passenger door for Aziraphale, watching his Angel slip inside. Yes,this was his angel, he had to keep telling himself that. So much had happened as of late and now they could finally be open with one another. Entirely open. 

Crowley slipped in the driver's side, starting up the vehicle and taking off. Aziraphale started going on about an up and coming writer he'd been helping. Someone that would pop into his shop every now and again just to read. 

"Thankfully they don't want to actually buy anything, and you know how much I love discussing literature." 

Crowley hummed at that, swerving hard around a bus. He could see Aziraphale give a displeased look his way and forced his grin from appearing. Oh how he loved teasing and taunting his angel.

"So you help them write?"

"Well, no. Sort of? It's more of… They ask me to proofread some of their works. I've had to correct them a few times on-CROWLEY!"

The Bentley narrowly missed hitting another vehicle, Aziraphale clinging to the seat and pressing himself hard into the leather seat. 

Crowley finally let out a horrible little cackle. He'd been waiting for that. Aziraphale gave him a very stern look before his attention went back to the road. Crowley really  _ did _ drive too fast for him. Reckless demon was going to discorporate them one day. 

Luckily the rest of the drive wasn't as hectic. Crowley got his laugh and as much as he wanted to continue playing this game it would be a definite loss if he actually angered his Angel. He had plans for this night and the Bentley had a hidden stock of something special for later. 

__________

  
  


The drive had been long though that was of no issue. The two had talked about random tidbits here and there, things they'd seen, everything light hearted. Why bother getting deep into what could have been instead of living in the now? Heaven and Hell were leaving them alone, most likely terrified of the two now, and that wasn't a bad thing. 

No, but what was a bad thing was how Aziraphale somehow managed to doze off in Crowley's Bentley. Mid conversation, mind you. 

"And what do you think of that?"

Crowley hummed, finally in a familiar area. Only a short trip left to get Aziraphale back home. 

With a lack of response Crowley rolled his eyes. 

"I know it's not likeable but at least give me a… Aziraphale?"

Crowley raised a brow at seeing his Angel fast asleep in the passenger seat. Never did that before in all their time together… Did he even sleep? Personally, Crowley had an endless expanse of darkness when he slept. Something he could mold and control. Peaceful. 

But to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation? 

Crowley pursed his lips, slamming on the breaks. He had a grimace on his face, ready to lay into his friend for such an uncharacteristic display of absolute disrespect, though that grimace faded when he didn't hear a yelp. Or even see Aziraphale respond. 

He remained asleep, no, unconscious in the passenger seat. Crowley could have sworn his heart stopped along with his breathing the moment he realized something was wrong. 

In an instant they were outside of Aziraphale's shop, Crowley leaning over to gently try and shake his Angel awake. 

"Come on, I didn't lose you to the end of the world and I'm not losing you now!"

He grit his teeth as he gave the other a rather rough shake before getting a bright idea. As much as he wanted to enjoy it for later liquid would probably be best. 

Aziraphale finally responded when he had something cold as ice hit his face. He gasped and scrunched his face in distaste, quickly miracleing the liquid away. 

"Crowley, what's gotten into you?!"

Crowley put the drink down and moved in close, looking Aziraphale over. And then he was slipping from the Bentley without a word. 

Aziraphale huffed as he looked over what had been  _ wasted _ on him. Oh and it was his favorite. His thoughts were thrown out when the door swung open and Crowley was yanking him from the vehicle only to push him into the rear door.

"Oof-what are y-"

"When did you start sleeping? And is it always that bloody difficult to wake you up?"

Aziraphale slowly shut his mouth and averted his gaze. Crowley wasn't having any of it. He pushed his Angel a bit harder into the Bentley. 

"Ack-Hm. Something I can help with?"

Crowley glanced over to see an officer standing beside them. Of course. He released Aziraphale and huffed, making a point to roughly smooth out his partner's coat. 

"I'm fine, um, Crowley we should go inside…"

"Yeah."

With a small bit of manipulation the officer forgot what they'd seen and continued on their way as the two slipped inside the shop. 

The moment the door shut Crowley was back on topic. 

"When did the sleeping start?"

Aziraphale had plucked up a book the moment he got inside, skimming the cover. He frowned at the question, running a finger down the spine. He let out a long sigh, moving to slip it into the appropriate place. 

He glanced to his left to see Crowley leaning against the case beside him, arms crossed. That expression demanded answers. 

"Aziraphale."

Aziraphale balled his fists and furrowed his brows, refusing to look at his friend. 

"A week ago, if you must know."

Aziraphale kept his gaze off his friend. He'd never had the urge to sleep before. Sure, he's done it before but that was voluntary not what's been happening. 

He tensed when he saw Crowley move in closer, allowing himself to be turned when a hand rested on a shoulder. He was pressed far gentler into the bookcase, Crowley more concerned than anything now. 

"That explains why you look exhausted… bags under your eyes and all…"

Aziraphale let out a long sigh, finally looking Crowley in the eyes. He honestly wished he could see them more often but he wouldn't pry. 

"It's nothing to be worried about, just… just something new I suppose."

"You slept through the equivalent of a car crash! How am I not supposed to worry about this? What else is up with you?"

Aziraphale had been giving Crowley a look of distain that slowly turned to defeat. What point was there in hiding this from his friend? It would only worry him more. 

"I honestly don't know… A week after  _ they _ tried to kill us my wings began to ache… I started growing tired. I fell asleep a week ago and I've been fighting it since-Angels don't sleep!"

Crowley's expression was unreadable as he looked his Angel in the eyes. This was honestly quite worrying. 

"Well, have you looked at them?"

Aziraphale raised a brow. 

"No..?"

Crowley sighed and leaned back, crossing his arms. He waved a hand at his friend in a circle motion as he spoke. 

"Let them out then, come on. We can't do anything if we can't see them."

Aziraphale frowned as he stepped away from the bookshelf. He really didn't want to and he was somewhat afraid of what they may feel like if they were let out. Pains always grew when the hidden became exposed, much like that leg injury when he was discorporated…

A quick glance around the shop had every single window blind shutting tightly, not a hint of the world outside coming through. 

Crowley tilted his head a bit in impatience, raising a brow expectantly. He needed to know what was ailing his friend and if it was something serious he may need to try and pull a few favors.

Aziraphale shut his eyes and took in a slow breath. As he exhaled his wings came into being, spreading far and wide before slowly curling back up and relaxing behind him. 

His wings felt strange, though not too bad. They ached, but they've been aching. A bit warmer than usual. The air should feel chilly around them instead it felt somewhat crisp? Warmer? So very strange… 

"Don't move."

Aziraphale furrowed his brows but did as he was told, standing nice and still. He tensed when he felt a hand grace his wings, jumping back in reflex. His wings hid behind his back, eyes wide now. And was that a bit of color on his cheeks?

"I didn't say you could touch them!"

"Oh, shut it and let me see."

Crowley moved forward to look behind Aziraphale again only to have the Angel shift away from him, wings tucking ever tighter. 

"No! That's-Angels never touch another angel's wings!"

"Well, I'm not an Angel now am I?"

Aziraphale opened his mouth then shut it, narrowing his eyes. He wasn't so sure about this. His wings were very sensitive and sore for some weird reason. 

"Do you not trust me?"

Aziraphale's expression softened after a few seconds. His wings slowly spread out from their tight hold and he frowned. 

"Against my better judgement, yes…"

Crowley rolled his eyes at that and stepped closer. 

"Then let me have a look. Relax."

Aziraphale took a deep breath as Crowley came closer. He still hadn't looked at his own wings though he got a glimpse when Crowley gently reached out and pet over his feathers. 

All color drained from Aziraphale's face as he finally got a look at what had been ailing him. Crowley delicately ran his fingers from the base of a white feather down to a now black tip. It was a gradual shift from base to tip but a very evident one. 

"They're turning black…"

Aziraphale slowly spread his wing forward, Crowley backing away a bit as his angel showed off the extent of those darkening wings. 

"I-I'm falling…?"

Crowley made a sound between his teeth, finally realizing how bad the situation was. He looked to his partner then back to his wings before stepping forward and looking at them again. 

"No? Maybe? When I fell it was-my wings turned black instantly. Yours are… I don't know what they're doing but they aren't entirely black..."

Aziraphale could feel his entire world crashing down around him. He had done so much, he had stopped the end, he had ran off with Crowley, he chose Crowley over Heaven and now… now he was paying for it. 

"I don't want to be a demon…"

Aziraphale's voice was dangerously soft, it had Crowley on edge. 

Well, they both knew there would be consequences. This just so happened to be one apparently. 

"Not so bad. Ah, especially since we're on  _ our _ side now so you can still do good… no reports for up top or down below anymore."

Aziraphale slowly turned to look at his other wing, lost in his thoughts. He gently pet down those ivory feathers, hesitating on the final blackening ones. It reminded him of ink, dark and slowly creeping its way up. That explained the ache, the warmth…

Crowley felt his heart ache at the devastated look on Aziraphale's face. He took a step forward before rushing over and slowly slipping his arms around his friend. Aziraphale returned the embrace after a moment, burying his face in Crowley's coat.

His wings trembled and curled up behind himself before slowly disappearing. Crowley began to pet down Aziraphale's back, chin resting on his friend's head. 

In all honesty he didn't know what to say. Everyone fell differently and it seemed Aziraphale's would be quite painful. He'd heard of the slower transitions, fallen angels tossed into hell and succumbing to the fire. But there was no fire here, only warmth and love.

Crowley could only hope his attentions, his soothing, his companionship would be enough to help his friend through this. He wished he'd had someone when he fell but, well, that was so long ago… At least Aziraphale wouldn't be alone. 

As he stroked down his friend's back, he slowly came to feel some moisture seeping through his coat. He held his breath when he heard his Angel(?) give a shuddering sob. 

As much as it pained him to think it, at least Aziraphale's pain was emotional rather than physical. The flames that engulfed his wings, charring off all the feathers, removing every bit of what was once holy-he couldn't imagine that happening to Aziraphale.

Still, the pain was soon to come if what he remembered was true. In any case, Crowley would be here for every moment. Every shift. Every ache. All Aziraphale had to do was call, hell, he would probably try and live here if allowed to. Anything to keep his friend from being alone, from being afraid… 

"Whatever happens, I'm with you."

The only response was a shiver accompanied by a harsh squeeze. A plea for that to be a promise, for Crowley to be there with and for him. And he knew Crowley would be, he always has been. 

__________

It took some time before Aziraphale was able to pull himself somewhat together. Crowley made sure he was comfortable on the couch, a blanket draped around his shoulders. He only disappeared for a few minutes, enough time to heat some water in the kettle and prepare some tea. Just the way Azi liked it. 

When he returned he handed Aziraphale the cup before taking a seat beside him. Like a moth drawn to a flame, Aziraphale didn't hesitate to lean into his friend. Crowley took this as permission to slip an arm around his distraught friend, keeping him nice and close. 

Reminded him of what his Angel did so long ago with that rain. He'd been returning that favor time and time again, absolutely infatuated with this unique being. But not was when it truly counted, when Aziraphale was at his absolute lowest moments. 

He watched Aziraphale sip from the cup, idly running a thumb over the Angel's shoulder. Until he would fall completely, Crowley had no qualms in calling him what he was. 

"... Will the pain go away…?"

Crowley hummed at that, thinking for a moment.

"Yes, after it heals. But yours seems to be a slower transition, mine was instant."

Aziraphale's gaze shifted down into his tea. He was slowly slipping back to those dark thoughts as he watched that steam slowly rise. 

"I did what I thought was right… why… why am I being punished for it?"

Crowley wanted so badly to begin ranting, to start yelling and cursing to the heavens. He asked the same damn thing when  _ he _ was thrown down into hell, burned, removed from what he loved. All for some questions, the wrong crowd… 

"They're unfair up there. I mean, we did good.  _ I  _ think we did good and I don't do good often, Angel. Unless it's for you-but that's beside the point."

He huffed and pulled Azi a bit closer. 

"We  _ saved _ the earth. We saved countless angels AND demons from slaughtering one another. We saved everything. Tell me how that's bad."

Aziraphale took another slow sip from his tea before setting it aside. He slipped an arm around Crowley and curled up against his side, eyes shutting. He didn't have anymore tears left to spill but his mind was still running rampant. 

"We went against the plan…"

"How do you know that? We could be instrumental to that plan! We saved everything. I see that as the better plan anyhow."

Aziraphale remained silent from then on, curled close to his friend. He could slowly feel himself drifting back into that all consuming darkness-sleep as it was called. 

The soft rhythm of Crowley's heart, the gentle breaths, a hand caressing his back so sweetly. He didn't last very long.

Crowley sighed when he felt Aziraphale fall limp against him. Did he even have a bed? Well, best way to find out was to go up top. 

Stealthily, he replaced himself with a couch pillow and crept his way upstairs. He went off to what was supposed to be a bedroom and was pleasantly surprised to find a bed. He walked over to it and pressed down, grimacing at the feel of springs.

With a snap the mattress was replaced with something plush yet firm, something that would hold them without sinking too deeply. The foam material was fantastic if he had a say in it. Now, if only Aziraphale had a heating blanket. Then this would be perfect.

Wait. Was he really planning on sleeping here? He couldn't just abandon his friend. But he didn't have permission to sleep here. 

"Crowley…?"

The soft voice from downstairs was his cue to hurry back down. Thankfully it wasn't too long of a wait and the moment Aziraphale saw his friend that worry faded away. 

"The bed would be more comfortable."

Aziraphale gave a small nod as he slipped from the couch. A final sip was given to his still steaming tea before the glass was miracled into the kitchen. Spick and span.

He made his way over to Crowley and gave him a slightly pleading look before starting his way upstairs. He paused halfway, looking back to Crowley. 

He was just standing there, staring awkwardly at his friend. Aziraphale didn't really know what to make of that expression but it had a bit of strain on it. 

_ How much of a bother would it be if I asked him to stay? _

Aziraphale thought to himself, a frown growing ever so slightly. 

"Will you be alright sleeping alone tonight? I can stay down here on the couch…"

_ That won't do. _

Aziraphale opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. He cleared his throat and tried again. 

"Can… can you rest with me instead? Please I-I don't like sleeping. And I don't want to be alone-what if my wings catch on fire or-"

"They won't. I'm coming up."

Well, they very well could but he wasn't going to say that. Best to lie at the moment if it meant calming Aziraphale enough to sleep. 

The two made their way to the bedroom, Aziraphale swapping to some pastel blue pajamas once they were inside. Crowley remained in his day wear, standing awkwardly by the door. 

Aziraphale climbed into bed, pausing at the new material. He slowly lied down on it, stretching out as the foam consumed and supported him in all the right ways. 

"Aren't you coming?"

"Ah, yes I would but… you don't have a heating blanket and I would prefer not to hibernate."

Aziraphale looked up at that. What ever did he mean? 

"Why do you need a heating blanket? And why are you still wearing that?"

Crowley let out a long sigh. Perhaps it was best to show than to explain. Aziraphale tensed as his friend returned to a form he hadn't seen for so long. A massive black snake with red belly scales, those eyes peering into his very being.

"... I sssleep like thisss…"

Ah, and there was a hiss with it too. Made sense. 

Aziraphale swallowed thickly, shifting the blankets aside and sitting up a bit. How odd would it be to rest with his friend on his chest? Curled around him? Feeding off his warmth? 

"You can rest on me if you like."

Crowley would have a faint hue on his face had he been in his human form. Instead he slithered his way onto the bed, pausing as he looked Aziraphale over. 

Aziraphale reached out and gently pet over the side of Crowley's head, the snake leaning into that warm palm. 

"Come to bed, Crowley…"

He didn't need much more coaxing than that. Soon enough a massive serpent was coiled lovingly around Aziraphale, his head nestled into the crook of his Angel's neck. 

Aziraphale pulled the blankets around them both, running a hand sweetly down a cool coil. He shut his eyes as he tried to relax into that full body hug. His final thoughts whispered that there was nothing odd about this. How something so pleasant couldn't possibly be odd. Before long, with these accepting thoughts, darkness swept him away.

__________


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crowley is failing at keeping his distance. Aziraphale CRAVES comfort right now so the touches are very welcome.
> 
> They love one another very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I following an outline? Yes.
> 
> I think.
> 
> I hope.
> 
> Um... Enjoy.

In the morning Crowley was first to wake. And, as per usual, he shifted back to his human form. Still half asleep, his arms and legs still coiled around his Angel, Crowley nuzzled down into his friend's neck. Such a pleasant scent… 

Wait. 

His eyes shot open as the memories flooded back, a faint hue coloring his cheeks. Slowly, ever so carefully, he uncoiled himself from that warm embrace. He eased one of Aziraphale's hands down to rest on his own chest instead of Crowley's side. 

With a miracle not willed, he managed to creep from the bed without waking his Angel. He slowly stretched himself out, raising his arms and listening to the soft chorus of bones pop. Two hands moved to his lower back as he arched himself, even more pops resonating within the room. 

With a sigh his hands flopped to his sides, the demon giving his Angel a once over. 

_ No need to wake him now. _

He thought to himself, carefully shifting the blankets to cover Aziraphale more fully. Crowley couldn't help himself as he took in that resting face. So peaceful, so calm. 

A warmth that only the Angel himself could bring reignited at the sight. Oh how this demon loved his Angel. A hand crept up to gently shift a few stray hairs from Aziraphale's face, a soft smile gracing his lips. 

_ I love you _ .

He thought, even going so far as to mouth the confession. Aziraphale remained asleep, unaware of the confession though he  _ could _ feel the love. And there was so much of it. There always had been.

__________

Aziraphale awoke some time later, a mild ache in his wings and a strange taste in his mouth. Almost like a bit of charcoal on an unseasoned bit of overcooked meat. 

His expression turned sour as he miracled himself some water to wash that taste away. He rubbed at his face, the glass disappearing to rest on the nightstand. With a long yawn he finally stretched, extending his arms and legs while arching his back. 

"Finally awake?"

That stretch turned to a jolt at Crowley's voice near the door. For how long he'd been watching no one could know but the thought had Aziraphale's face coloring ever so slightly. 

"Sleep well? It's nearly noon."

Aziraphale's expression turned to horror at realizing he'd been so  _ lazy _ . Angels were  _ not  _ lazy! They didn't sleep! They didn't have achy wings that were turning black at the ends!

"Easy, easy, no need to work yourself up again. I have some brunch downstairs, your favorites…"

Crowley's efforts thankfully were not in vain. Aziraphale slowly came down from his panic, the distraction of food and good company enough to sway him for now. Besides he was actually craving food. Such a strange feeling. He  _ wanted _ food normally but now it felt as if he  _ needed _ it.

"I-I'll be down shortly. Just need to change and freshen up."

Crowley hummed before turning and shutting the door behind himself. He remained by the door, idly listening to the shuffle of fabric against fabric, then the soft thud of feet against the wooden floor. 

When he decided Aziraphale was fine on his own for now he made his way downstairs. This morning had been somewhat strange for him as well. So much more energy than usual. He blamed it on being around Aziraphale, though that wasn't a valid reason. He still accepted it. 

When Aziraphale came downstairs he was greeted with a table filled with a plethora of goodies for him to eat. And Crowley was sitting down in a chair, idly toying with a fork. Aziraphale chalked it down to him having already eaten. He was quick with it. 

"This looks absolutely scrumptious-thank you!"

Crowley shrugged and pushed a mug of coffee towards Aziraphale with his fork. 

"It's nothing really." 

_ Anything for you, Angel. _

Aziraphale took his seat across from Crowley, picking up the mug that was pushed his way. Ah, the same one Crowley gifted him some time ago. The one with little angel wings. Funny story, the demon trying to pull a fast one saying he was trying to order the black one instead and they gave him the wrong color.

Sometimes Crowley was just terrible at lying.

"How- Where did you go to get all of this?"

"Here and there, mostly miracled some delivery men here with the food."

Aziraphale hummed in approval at smelling his coffee. He took a small sip, his taste buds being sent to -well, it was close enough- heaven. 

As his friend ate, Crowley leaned slightly over the table. He rested his head upon a hand, elbow resting on the table. Aziraphale wouldn't say anything on it, he'd learned long ago a certain someone didn't care at all what others thought about such frivolous things. 

"Feeling better?"

Aziraphale dabbed at his mouth with a cloth, giving a small nod. The ache in his head was gone along with the odd feeling of being so exhausted. His wings still hurt, but it wasn't unbearable. 

"Yes, thank you. Well rested I suppose."

He gave an awkward little smile before returning to his brunch. Crowley's eyes skimmed Aziraphale over every visible inch of his being. He couldn't smell anything different, not much different at least. His own scent was stronger than usual but that made sense. He  _ did _ sleep here. 

"We should keep an eye on them. Your wings."

Aziraphale's smile faded at that, his hands slowly lowering a napkin he'd cleaned his mouth with. He took in a long, deep breath before slowly letting it out. No need to panic. No need to cry again or act out. He could control himself. 

"Alright."

He looked up to Crowley before allowing them to form once again. He shut his eyes as they spread wide, showing off the same amount of darkness as before. Crowley skimmed them over, trying to ignore the memories of his own fall. 

"They haven't changed."

Aziraphale's wings disappeared and he released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Tension left his body in the slightest amount, though he remained somewhat curled over his plate. His shoulders were high as he stared down at the remains of his meal. 

Crowley looked Aziraphale over, doing his best to read his friend. He'd never really seen the other in this much turmoil. It was new and he didn't like it in the slightest. 

"You know…"

Crowley began, slipping from his spot to stand tall before slouching. 

"It's actually sunny out, we could go for a walk if you like. Get something sweet along the way."

Aziraphale knew exactly what Crowley was doing. Tempting him, swaying his thoughts, distracting him from the issue at hand. He wasn't sure if it was a blessing or a curse at the moment but getting out of the shop did sound nice.

"A walk would be lovely…"

Crowley could tell there was a lack of enthusiasm there. He would need to up his game a bit, perhaps cause a few miracles to truly distract his Angel? He would even suffer through some of that horrific magic.

Aziraphale stood from his spot and made his way over to Crowley, gently putting a hand on his shoulder. The smile he gave was small though it meant so much to the demon. 

"Thank you."

__________

Crowley's plan went off without a hitch, the demon thoroughly distracting his Angel. They wandered through the town, rambling on about this and that. Everything was light hearted, warm and fuzzy. Crowley could see the worry fade from his Angel's face after a few hours and couldn't help but feel accomplished.

He really was good at what he did.

The two eventually settled down in a park. Crowley was sprawled out as per usual, lounging and leaning a bit too close to his Angel. Aziraphale was much more to himself, prim and proper as always. He had a gentle smile on his face, watching some children feed the ducks. 

"We really did something grand…"

Aziraphale's voice was soft, gaze slowly shifting over the beautiful scenery. He would have missed this so much. His gaze landed on Crowley and his heart seemed to dwell with love. He would have missed his best friend most of all. Living without him, existing without him, unable to do what they enjoyed together-

They did make the right decision. 

"That we did…"

Crowley trailed off when he felt a soft weight against his side. He raised a brow to look down at Aziraphale, a slight hue on his face. Someone was certainly being more touchy lately. 

A long arm slipped around Aziraphale's shoulders, pulling him close and tucking him into a warm embrace. The Angel's eyes shut as he reveled in the now, in the warmth and love, in his best friend. 

"Angel, am I going too fast for you still?"

Aziraphale felt his cheeks heat up a bit at that. He gave a small glance upwards, a little unsure smile gracing his lips. 

"No, am I?"

Crowley grinned at that, leaning down to gently nuzzle into Aziraphale's hair. He could feel the other tense before slowly relaxing into the gentleness, the affection. Affection meant only for one being and one being alone. 

"Not fast enough in my opinion."

Aziraphale felt his face heat up more and hid himself ever so slightly in Crowley's chest. The demon chuckled lowly at his little victory, running his thumb gently over his Angel's shoulder. 

_ Even if you fall, even if you burn as I do, I will never stop loving you.  _

Crowley's thoughts were firm, his nuzzling slowing until he was simply resting on that fluffy hair. Aziraphale's was incredibly soft, comparable to a cloud-if they actually were tangible and not droplets of water. 

"But we have all the time in the world now."

Aziraphale gave a small nod at that, a soft smile forming on his lips. Yes, they did. There was only one chance at war and it was thwarted. 

"Would you like to go to the Ritz for dinner?"

Crowley grinned at that, giving his Angel a soft squeeze. 

"It will be my treat then."

Crowley could feel the warmth-the love radiating off of Aziraphale. It would always draw him in, always tease and taunt him. He still couldn't believe, after all this time, he was finally able to indulge.

  
  


__________

  
  


The Ritz had been grand as per usual. The finest alcohol, the most delicious food, and most importantly, the best company one could ever hope for.

Crowley knew it wasn't the brightest decision but Aziraphale seemed so happy. Sobering himself up and convincing his Angel to stay in such a state was truly evil but that smile! Lopsided, large, the Angel blabbering about this and that so excitedly. 

Oh how he hoped Aziraphale would be the same after his fall. Soft, warm, filled with so much love and compassion. 

"And then I… I… Crowley isn’at your home?"

Crowley hummed as he pulled into the parking area. He glanced over to his Angel and cleared his throat. 

"Yes, I thought we might make things even. You resting in my bed seeing as I've rested in yours."

That was… a horrible excuse. He just needed Aziraphale by his side but his plants needed tending to. Not a damn one would have spots and he would be sure to threaten them to no end if they  _ dared _ show any signs of disobedience.

"Okay."

A pause.

"AmIagood... heatingblanket?"

The words were slurred, Aziraphale giving him an almost pleading expression.  _ Adorable _ , Crowley thought. But he wouldn't vocalize it. That would be the quickest way to end this, the giddy Angel, the night of closeness. 

"One of the best."

With that he slipped out his Bentley, walking around to open the passenger door. Now came the fun part. 

Aziraphale followed Crowley up and out of his seat though he wrapped an arm around his friend for balance. Crowley hooked an arm around Aziraphale's back for balance, beginning a slow walk towards his flat. 

"Goodgood… I don't want to be a BAD warm… thing… blanket."

Crowley snapped his fingers, the doors opening and shutting behind them. He didn't hesitate to make his way towards the bedroom, the doors opening with another snap. 

Aziraphale had honestly never seen the inside of Crowley's bedroom but it was pleasant enough. Anything that was warm and soft at the moment, especially with Crowley, was more than welcome. 

"On the bed, Angel."

Crowley did his best to guide his friend on the plush mattress. Aziraphale all but melted into it the moment he lay down on his front. Crowley sighed at seeing him scoot his way up in  _ day clothes,  _ but a quick snap fixed that. 

Aziraphale turned onto his back, slowly propping himself up as he took in the sight of his friend. He seemed amused, which was a good thing. Aziraphale hated seeing Crowley in a sour mood. 

"Get comfortable, I'll be back. Need to water the plants."

_ And destroy the disobedient. _

Aziraphale nodded, watching as Crowley made his way out. He slid back down onto the bed, gaze unfocused as he tried to think over what he could do right now. He wasn't really tired but he was far too drunk to do any reading. 

Should he sober up? Nah, there was still fun to be had. Crowley told him so before they left- responsible fellow for actually sobering up to drive home. He appreciated it. 

A sudden thought had him laughing softly to himself and shaking his head. Why did he always have such strange things pop up while intoxicated? 

_ I'm in love with a snake _ . 

Crowley wasn't exactly a snake, right? He could just turn into one. And all the other demons could turn into animals as well… insects… reptiles… 

The alcohol clouded the ache of this thought at first but he was truly curious. 

_ What would I be…? _

No

_ What will I be? _

Aziraphale's mood immediately began to dive as he thought that over. His wings, the warmth he was starting to become aware of now that he was focusing. He groaned and buried his face in his hands. 

He needed more alcohol.

_______

  
  


Crowley took his time in screaming at his plants. One of the larger ones, one he  _ knew  _ had seen more than enough of the others be destroyed, dared to discolor the slightest bit on one leaf. A single warning, a single chance. He was being merciful. The discoloration had best be gone by morning or else.

By the time he made his way back to the bedroom, Aziraphale had managed to find a hidden stock of alcohol in Crowley's room. It would be easy enough to replace it, something simple he knew Crowley liked- or preferred if it was in his bedroom. 

"Angel? What are y-"

Crowley cut himself off at spotting a half empty bottle of his preferred drink. A long inhale, a slow exhale through his teeth, and he was approaching the bed ever so slowly. 

"Sorry, I was…"

Aziraphale started before his expression shifted and he buried his face in his hands. Crowley pursed his lips at the display, deciding to end this. It was rude to sober him up, mildly uncomfortable, but it was needed. 

Aziraphale's expression turned  _ sour _ behind his hands. The feeling and the taste were things he absolutely despised. A shiver ran through his core as the last of that alcohol disappeared from his system.

"That was mine."

Crowley's voice was firm as he moved to sit on the bed. Aziraphale kept his gaze off his friend, knowing he'd crossed a line in his drunken state. Thievery? Really? Maybe he was falling… 

"I'm-I'm sorry, Crowley, I just…"

He let out a long sigh, finally looking towards his friend. Such a sad expression, so pathetic and weak. It pained Crowley to even imagine his love so low but to be witnessing it and unable to truly do anything to help-it was agony. 

"I needed a distraction…"

Crowley moved closer to Aziraphale, skimming him over. Well, one thing he could think of that always seemed to soothe was socially forbidden up top. Perhaps now he would be able to offer it? No. If he offered Aziraphale would be horrified and refuse. He would need to play it right. 

"Well, I know a way but you have to lie down on your front."

Aziraphale furrowed his brows. That was highly suspicious but he knew Crowley meant the best. 

"What are you planning?"

"Nothing bad- well, it feels good."

Feels good? It sounded almost like someone was trying to sell him something illegal. Aziraphale didn't like how Crowley beat around the bush but his friend wouldn't hurt him.

"Tell me what it is and I might let you do it."

Crowley gave a slight grin, shaking his head. Of course. 

"You won't let me, then."

Aziraphale furrowed his brows. What did Crowley want to do with his back? What could be so distracting and feel so good- oh.

"... I-I'm flattered you would want to with me, but I'm not interested in h-having sex with anyone."

Crowley's expression slowly shifted to disgust. Is that what he came to? Something so strange? 

"I don't want to have sex, you idiot! Just lie down so I can rub your wings."

Aziraphale's face colored even more at that. At least they were in agreement on one thing but touching his wings? That would be a grand distraction to say the least.

"Oh…"

"Honestly, you think I want to do something like that? It's… disgusting. Wish they left it off the tele, but they're obsessed with it- just lie down."

Crowley huffed, his clothes shifting to something more comfortable in his own home. Some trousers,socks, and a tank top, everything black of course. He didn't need to be in bed wearing shoes or day clothes. Glasses included.

"You know it's-"

"Yes. I know. Doesn't mean I don't want to do it. Always wanted to touch your wings, Angel. Since I first saw them."

Aziraphale's face felt like it was on fire. He swallowed down his words, looking Crowley in the eyes. 

Beautiful, always able to enchant him when he actually got to see them. Crowley's expression was a softer one, though he never truly was soft. Aziraphale knew this one well, a somewhat pleading one that looked annoyed to most. Crowley really wanted to… 

"... I've never had my wings touched before…"

Crowley reached out and gently took one of Aziraphale's hands in his own. The Angel gently laced their fingers together, a soft shiver running through him at the thought of Crowley touching him like that. Of anyone touching him like that. 

"Does it hurt?"

"Only when bad feathers need to be plucked. Other than that, feels good."

Aziraphale looked down at their laced fingers. His brows were furrowed in thought, his mind still racing. He wanted to cry but that wouldn't solve anything and Crowley had seen more than enough tears from him for an eternity. 

"... Do I have to look at them?"

Crowley gave that hand a gentle squeeze, placing his other one on Aziraphale's shoulder. He hesitated before leaning in close, oh so carefully touching their foreheads together. Aziraphale didn't shy away though he did shut his eyes, Crowley following suit. 

"No.."

Aziraphale moved his free hand up to gently rest over the hand on his shoulder. He took in a shuddering breath, slowly releasing it. 

"I'm here for you. I always will be."

_ I always have been. _

Crowley opened his eyes when Aziraphale moved away from that gentle touch. His expression was unreadable as he watched his love move back before lying on his front. His nose scrunched when those wings appeared, the faint scent of something demonic and burning following shortly after. 

Aziraphale hugged a pillow to his face, keeping his eyes shut as he tried to keep it together. 

"Good.. Good… I'll touch the right one first. Fair warning."

With that Crowley moved forward, eyes skimming over those gorgeous feathers. Even the half charred ones retained some beauty. Now, the only problem was that it seemed someone never took proper care of themselves. Did he ever preen? These feathers needed some serious tending to.

The wing jolted at a gentle brush of fingertips, Aziraphale's grip on his pillow tightening. It slowly relaxed as those fingers trailed right down his wing. He shivered when that hand placed itself more firmly at the base of his wings, holding his breath. 

"Doing good, Angel… "

Aziraphale grit his teeth when he felt a thumb rub into him where wings met back, though he soon found himself melting into the bed. Crowley smirked at the groan of bliss that slipped from that pillow, moving his other hand up to massage the left wing as well. 

"I never understood why this was strange up there…"

Crowley began, trailing a hand back down that right wing. It slowly extended for those fingers, desperate for more gentle touches. Crowley was more than happy to oblige. 

"Feels good, keeps the wings tidy…"

He found his fingers brushing over a bad feather and frowned. How long had this been bothering him? 

"Hold your breath."

"Wh-OW!"

Aziraphale's wing flapped in response to a sudden plucking, nearly hitting Crowley in the face. 

"Stop moving it! Relax."

Aziraphale huffed into his pillow but let his wings settle back down. Crowley moved back to where he'd plucked that feather and ghosted a finger down, miracleing a new white one in its place. 

"Better?"

Aziraphale had been having the slightest of pinches in his wings for so long he'd grown used to the feeling. Crowley narrowed his eyes when that wing moved up though it only stretched and gave a small flutter before settling back down. 

"Yes.. warn me before you do that. It's rude."

Crowley rolled his eyes as he went back to smoothing down those feathers. He had a slight frown on his face as fingers trailed over black tips. He brought a hand up to his face, able to smell the slight burning there. Had to be painful. 

His hands returned to Aziraphale's back, kneading at the base of those wings. Another soft sound of bliss escaped and the demon's grin only grew. He finally had his Angel where he wanted. Pampered, preened, in absolute bliss.

"Moving onto the other wing."

With that his fingers trailed down an all to eager left wing. It was pressing lightly up into his hands, wanting as much attention as Crowley could give. 

"I think I remember why this isn't common up there now…"

He ran his fingers between the feathers, gently smoothing down them while his other hand pet over the base of those wings. 

"Mmm?"

That was probably the most coherent response he would get at the moment. 

"Something to do with vanity…"

He shrugged, continuing to work. His fingers got down to those burnt tips and he shut his eyes. He placed his hand more firmly on Aziraphale's back, attempting to miracle a bit of numbness through the pain. 

"Mmmmnmmmm~"

His eyes opened at that soft sound, knowing it had worked. He returned to running his hands over those wings, fingers dancing between the softest of feathers. His eyes were half lidded as he worked, beginning to do this simply for himself now.

For so long, for far too long, he'd been craving this. To touch these wings, to run his fingers through that softness. It was a dream come true. 

He wasn't sure when Aziraphale had done it, but his friend had managed to fall asleep during his preening session. Crowley was amused by it and also curious. These wings were warm and it might be nice to curl up beneath one. 

After a few moments of thought, the worst outcome being waking up Aziraphale, he shifted into his secondary form. He slowly crept his way beneath the warmth of Aziraphale's right wing, soon coiling up beneath. He nuzzled into his friend's neck, pausing when the angel shifted. 

He tensed slightly when an arm wrapped around him, pulling him close while remaining beneath a plush wing. He would blush if he could, Aziraphale's cheek pressed just below his head. He settled down once the sleeping Angel stopped moving, adjusting the slightest bit to be comfortable. 

__________


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disobedient plants will be punished. Let's hurt a demon too?
> 
> What is a proof reading eh? I prefer word vomit.

Aziraphale yawned as he awoke, stretching his arms and legs. His wings gave a small flutter as they extended their full length before nestling back against his back. He hummed as he felt around for something, frowning when he found himself waking up alone yet again. 

He slowly sat up from his spot, a small bat of his wings assisting in the motion. Thankfully he didn't knock anything over, though the blinds moved quite a bit. He looked down at the bed for a few seconds, brows furrowed. 

His right wing slowly extended and curled around him, his gaze shifting down. And the tips were still black. He let out a slow breath, wings disappearing. The burning had somewhat subsided, probably due to Crowley's tampering, but it still made him feel better about the situation. Maybe it was reversing itself?

He slipped from the bed, not even caring to swap out of his pajamas. He made his way to the door, hoping the scent of breakfast or coffee or anything would indicate Crowley was still here. Aziraphale wasn't sure if he could handle being alone at the moment. 

Just as he opened his mouth to call out for his friend, there came a yell from downstairs. His eyes widened and without a thought he rushed off to go figure out what was going on. 

"I  _**warned** _ you. All of you. And what do we have here?" 

Crowley snapped, putting a finger beneath a leaf with a rather nasty spot on it. 

"A bit big for the garbage disposal, aren't you?"

A dark chuckle started up as he looked the plants over. 

"I think I'll try a different method today…"

"Crowley?! Crowley, are you okay?"

His entire demeanor shifted at that soft voice calling out to him. He turned towards it, watching as his love approached. And the man had to have been running, the poor thing was out of breath. 

"What is it, Angel?"

"I heard you yelling, I wanted to make sure you were okay."

Crowley took in a deep breath and let it out in a soft huff. So he could hear it from up there? Lovely. His attention returned to the still trembling plants, a finger moving to lift up that offending leaf. 

"It has a spot."

His voice was little more than a growl, the plant being touched trembling even harder now. 

Aziraphale frowned as he out two and two together. Without much thought he did a small hand motion, the spot disappearing. 

Crowley went rigid, staring down at that leaf. He grit his teeth as rage began to build within him. These were  **_his_ ** plants.  **_His_ ** property. And he would treat them however he felt.

"I suppose that spot is from me… I did keep you away…"

"Angel."

Crowley's voice was tense, putting Aziraphale on edge. 

"Go to the dining room."

Aziraphale's feet were quicker than he thought they would be as he hurried out of the room. The moment the doors shut he nearly buckled over himself as screaming erupted from within.

Eyes were wide as Aziraphale made his way to the dining room, the screaming dying down as he got farther and farther away. All he could think of were those poor plants. Precious little things, innocent and without doing any wrong. Crowley was being so cruel to them. He would have to show them some  _ proper _ care later on.

When he got to the dining room yet another buffet was laid out before him. Crowley really did know how to start a morning right. Was it morning? Did it matter? Aziraphale sighed as he sat down, looking over the assortment of goodies. 

By the time Crowley had calmed himself Aziraphale had actually finished eating. He was standing near a window, looking out at the scenery surrounding them. His mind was clouded still. Even with the pain numbed he knew what was happening to him. 

"Sorry about that, Angel. Plant-"

"Stop calling me that. Please."

Crowley raised a brow before realizing that wasn't just a pet name. Oop…

"But I've always called you that…"

Crowley made his way behind Aziraphale, slowly slipping his arms around his best friend. Aziraphale tensed at first before slowly relaxing into it. His gaze softened on the world outside that window, allowing himself to be vulnerable again. 

"I'm not an Angel anymore…"

Crowley shut his eyes, resting his chin on top Aziraphale's head. He could feel hands gently place themselves on his arms, gentle touches. 

"Your wings are still white."

"But they're changing- and I feel like they're burning! They smell like they're burning!"

_ You haven't seen burning then _ .

"Hush up. They were the same this morning as Tuesday."

Aziraphale's brows furrowed and he gave the softest of squeezes to Crowley's arms. He was terrified. He was trying to be strong, trying not to cry, but the fact was his wings were  _ burning _ . He could  _ feel _ the heat. Even the mornings he could taste it!

Crowley could feel his love begin to tremble as the tears started up again. Aziraphale truly didn't deserve this. Any of this. He loosened his grip when Aziraphale turned, burying himself in Crowley's jacket. Crowley didn't hesitate to wrap him back up in a warm embrace. 

Such a beautiful day outside. Should be raining. 

"I've got you…" 

__________

  
  


At the end of that bout of tears, the two ended up on one of Crowley's couches. Aziraphale was curled up with a mug of hot cocoa, a blanket draped over his shoulders. Crowley had an arm around him, his free hand holding a remote as he idly flipped through the channels. It was just background noise, something to fill the silence.

Aziraphale was staring down at his drink, gaze unfocused. He felt dead inside, not willing to move from this spot or his friend's warm embrace. At least they had an eternity together now… 

"... How long did it last for you…?"

Crowley hummed at that, muting the TV. 

"What? My fall?"

Aziraphale gave a small nod, holding his mug a bit closer now. 

"Well… I fell for a long time, wrong crowd, but I never had the black tip wings or any of the like."

He didn't want to scare Aziraphale but the memory still horrified him. The pain, the flames, the  _ smell _ .

"... It hit me while I was talking with someone. The floor fell from beneath me. I.."

He cleared his throat, pulling Aziraphale a bit closer. 

"I literally fell. I tried to use my wings but the moment they came out I was on fire. Inside and out. No idea how long it lasted."

Aziraphale's grip on the glass had tightened dangerously, the glass close to cracking.

"When the fires were out I was in Hell… got thrown a job, no time to even recover. Come to think of it, my wings were still smoking… Took time before the pain stopped but the heat never ended… still too warm inside."

He sighed, glancing down at Aziraphale. 

"Even with that burning feeling I'm still cold blooded. Fall also made me…"

"A-A serpent?"

"Mm… yeah…"

Crowley let out a long sigh, running a hand gently beneath Aziraphale's chin to guide it up. He was more startled by it than anything but he allowed himself to meet that intense gaze. 

"Whatever happens to you, I will always be here for you."

Crowley could see more tears forming now. He was internally cursing himself for saying too much until arms wrapped around his neck. Aziraphale hugged him tightly yet again, clinging to him and quaking with emotion. Crowley pulled the blanket around them both, stroking down his love's back. 

"I-I"

Aziraphale swallowed, hugging Crowley tighter. No. He couldn't say it. The fear of driving him away-

"I don't k-know what I'd do without you."

Crowley shushed him, continuing that gentle petting. He shut his eyes, focusing more on Aziraphale and his aches. He could feel the other tense slightly at the prying at him like that, not quite physically yet  _ there _ . Luckily he relaxed into it, trusting his demon wholeheartedly. 

Crowley held his breath as he focused, taking in and reading the sensations his love had. The very mild burning, the slight ache in those wings, simple fixes. He slowly let that breath out as he took that pain upon himself, that extra warmth. Aziraphale sighed out in relief as that feeling left his body, having no idea what Crowley had just done.

What was a smidgen more pain in exchange for his Angel's happiness after all? 

"Thank you…"

Crowley nuzzled down into Aziraphale's hair, shutting his eyes as he adjusted to the new warmth. Hotter than usual, but he could manage. Definitely needed to preen his wings later to soothe the ache.

"Want to do anything, An- Aziraphale?"

_ To stay in your arms. _

"No…"

He nestled himself a bit more comfortably against Crowley, half tempted to slip into his lap. Crowley began to gently rub in circles where Aziraphale's wings would connect. He all but melted into the massaging, letting out a content sigh. 

__________

  
  


With the ache and burning gone, Aziraphale was actually feeling better. The two had remained curled up together until Crowley got antsy. He enjoyed lounging about but with that new fire within him he  _ needed _ to move. Maybe a few ill deeds would help it to die down. 

Somehow he managed to convince Aziraphale to go for another walk with him. He needed to do something,  _ anything _ vile to make this heat die down. As they walked, Aziraphale having decided to lace their fingers together, Crowley was busy skimming the area for anything and everything horrid he could do. 

Before long he spotted a group of tourists riding on Segways. With a soft snap the tour guide's Segway died, the rest of them crashing into the poor soul. The fallout wasn't glorious, there were bruises and bumps, a couple of broken machines, but not a single broken bone. 

Aziraphale frowned at spotting the mayhem, causing a little miracle of his own. The Segways were repaired inconspicuously, some cuts and scrapes disappearing before they could be seen. 

When he looked where they were going his expression turned to concern. It seemed that the ice cream man's machine had just broken and he was now frantically trying to get rid of his stock. That won't do. 

A small miracle had the truck coming back to life only for it to die a second later. Aziraphale's eyes narrowed as he fixed it again only for the freezer to catch on fire. He gasped, stopping dead in his tracks as the poor man grabbed a fire extinguisher to put out the blaze.

Crowley stopped with him, breathing through his teeth. A bit of warmth slipped away but it wasn't enough. He needed to do something more, something far worse. 

"Did I do that…?"

His attention went down to Aziraphale, realization hitting him like an angel with a crowbar. 

"No, and stop  _ fixing _ it!"

Aziraphale's brows furrowed as he looked up at Crowley. Two random acts in less than a minute? What's gotten into him?

"Dear boy, you've never been this desperate for chaos. Are you alright?"

Crowley swallowed thickly before taking in a deep breath. He slowly let it out, eyes closing as he did his best to calm down. 

"I'll be fine, just let me cause one more? No fixes?"

Aziraphale frowned at that but gave a nod, looking away. Crowley looked out at the park, managing to spot a couple having a picnic. He took in a small breath, the wind picking up enough to toss up their blanket and throw the food in the grass. 

Aziraphale turned away from the wind, frown growing at spotting that poor couple's date get ruined. His grip on Crowley's hand lessened slightly, only for his love to give him a soft squeeze, relief written all over his face. 

"Thanks. Needed that."

_ Needed _ that? What a strange thing to say. 

"Feeling better..?"

"Much, now um, would you like to do anything else…?"

Aziraphale looked back at the couple, a sad expression on his face. Crowley let out a groaning sigh, rolling his eyes. 

"Fine. Just don't make it big."

Aziraphale grinned, making twenty pounds appear in their upturned basket. That should be enough for something small. When he was done he began leading the way, Crowley easily following. 

"Crowley…"

Crowley hummed, glancing down at Aziraphale. 

"I've been… thinking lately…"

Crowley raised a brow, giving his love's hand a small squeeze. The reassurance was appreciated.

"About?"

"Us…"

Crowley sucked his tongue to his cheek, making a pop only he could hear. 

"What about us?"

Aziraphale furrowed his brows, slowing as he looked out at the water. The two paused by the fence, Crowley's focus on his Angel.

"... What are we..? Friends?"

All moisture suddenly left Crowley's throat at that question. He looked out to the water, attempting to swallow what he could. That was quite the question.

"I've said you're my best friend, haven't I?"

"Well, yes, but are we…"

Aziraphale sighed and shook his head, looking down at an approaching duck. Little bugger was hungry wasn't it?

"Are we what?"

Crowley could feel his heart beating in his chest, a bit of excitement in the air. If Aziraphale said it, if he confessed it first and solidified everything-!

"... Are we… more?"

Aziraphale didn't want to say it. He  _ knew  _ Crowley didn't like when he spoke a certain way so skirting around these words, even if he felt them so strongly, was a necessity.

"More?"

Aziraphale sighed, looking down at the little duck that decided to try for a staring contest. 

"More than best friends?"

"What? You mean like lovers?"

Aziraphale's entire body tensed, eyes going wide. He held his breath, Crowley's voice sounding so shocked by it. Was he disgusted by the thought? Would he get rejected for using that word? For  _ feeling _ that way?

"Wh-no? I mean if you want to then yes b-but-"

Crowley slipped his hand out of Aziraphale's grip, the Angel feeling a sharp pain in his heart. He shut his eyes as he tried to accept the rejection only to feel arms slip around him, pulling him against a warm body. 

"You really are a soft one."

Aziraphale wrapped his arms around Crowley in a near crushing embrace. Relief washed through him, joy filling him with a gentle warmth. He leaned back a bit to grin up at his friend- his lover. 

"Since I can't call you Angel anymore, is Love any better?"

He had to be dreaming. Crowley asking him that. Crowley  _ confessing _ ! He had felt so much love through the years but for the demon to actually say and accept it! Something so soft, as he put it. 

"Yes, of course you can, dear! W-Would it be out of place to say I've been wanting to hear that for as long as I can remember?"

Crowley grinned, leaning down to gently touch their foreheads together. He stroked a hand through Aziraphale's hair, gently cupping the back of his head. A thumb pet ever so sweetly along his Love's cheek. 

"No, not at all. Been hoping you would say something since losing that sword."

Aziraphale felt his face heat up at that confession, grin growing even more if at all possible. He slipped his arms around Crowley's neck, looking him in the eyes. This close he could actually see them through those shades. Beautiful, focused solely on him. 

"I love you, Crowley."

Crowley had a somewhat lopsided grin as he took those words in.  _ Finally _ .

"Loved you since I met you."

__________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> INEFFABLE MORONS FUCKING CONFESS ALREADY.
> 
> Lord... Hopefully I'm portraying them alright. I have no idea what I'm doing.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acceptance and discoveries
> 
> Secrets to be had.

Aziraphale almost seemed his old self after that confession. It was a strong distraction from what was ailing them both physically and mentally. Aziraphale kept the thoughts of his falling at the back of his mind while Crowley did his best to ignore that extra heat within. 

The two had decided to dine in a small mom and pop restaurant for the night. A few drinks, nothing too crazy. As per usual Crowley finished in half the time it took Aziraphale to eat a quarter of his food. Angel really did savor the flavor. 

"Where are we sleeping tonight, Love?"

Aziraphale dabbed at his mouth with a napkin, thinking the question over. It would be nice to go home to his books but Crowley had plants to care for. Such a tough decision. 

"Would your plants be alright overnight?"

"If I water them in the morning."

"My place then?"

Crowley chuckled and leaned a bit closer, looking his Love in the eyes. 

"Only if you hold me like last night."

Aziraphale gave a little smile, glancing down at his food before looking back at Crowley. 

"I-It would be my pleasure."

__________

  
  


When the two got to Aziraphale's shop, the Bentley was parked in its usual spot. Crowley opened his Love's door for him, taking his hand and helping Aziraphale out. Aziraphale gave a soft chuckle of glee, absolutely loving how Crowley was behaving after their confessions. 

"I love you."

Oh that made his face heat up and his heart pound but there were no ill consequences. 

Crowley smiled and sighed, shaking his head. They were going to be saying it a lot now, weren't they? 

"Love you too, Aziraphale."

He lead his Love inside, shutting the door behind himself. Once they were alone he moved to Aziraphale and gently took his face in both hands. The Angel was confused for only a moment until their foreheads were pressed together.

He couldn't help but grin, wrapping his arms around Crowley's shoulders. He chuckled a bit at feeling thumbs pet over his cheeks, all warm and fuzzy inside. He truly was living a dream. The best dream. 

Crowley eventually pulled back, just looking Aziraphale in the eyes. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful… 

"Can I tempt you with a bit of preening?"

Aziraphale's face lit up even more at that. Crowley chuckled and let go of Aziraphale's face after trailing a hand over his cheek and down his neck. His love didn't even need to vocalize what he wanted.

"Then get in bed, Love."

__________

Crowley had managed to do it yet again. Aziraphale was fast asleep beneath him, wings spread wide for those exploring fingers. He had a soft expression on his face, trailing his fingers delicately from the base of a feather down to a black tip. 

_ No idea when this will spread… been a few days, hasn't moved.  _

He thought to himself, leaning down. He brought the burnt tips close to his mouth and nose, tongue giving a slight peep out of his mouth. Yes, definitely burning. He let out a sigh through his nose, moving up to instead nuzzle into Aziraphale's hair.

A deep inhale had his mind fuzzy. He smelled the slightest bit of a demon but the rest was  _ him _ . The scent of books, that cologne he'd used since finding it so long ago, tea, a touch of honey. Such a wonderful smell. 

_ I don't know what I'd do without you.. _

Crowley moved back when those wings shivered beneath him. They gave a small flap and curled in before spreading back out. Aziraphale's grip on his pillow increased as he grit his teeth, a leg kicking out. 

_ Must be a nightmare. _

Crowley gently smoothed out those wings before placing his weight on Aziraphale's back. Not all of it, just enough to smoosh him into the sheets and keep him more secure. 

"I've got you."

His voice was little more than a whisper, a hand trailing from Aziraphale's shoulder to his wrist and right back up. The Angel slowly relaxed beneath the weight, the reassurance. He murmured softly in his sleep, the only eligible thing being a small whisper of Crowley's name. 

Crowley waited for Aziraphale to settle before shifting to his second form. He coiled protectively around his Love, making sure to wiggle his way into Aziraphale's neck. Sleeping and inhaling his lover's scent had been giving him the best dreams. 

__________

The next days prove to be just as light hearted and warm, other than the morning and evening wing checks. But nothing was different. Aziraphale's wings remained with black tips, the fire having been stolen by his demon. Crowley had grown used to the increased pain, honestly wasn't bad at all. Just a small bout of love for his Angel. 

He really wished he could call Aziraphale Angel again. Felt strange using his name after all these years and someone didn't like when he shortened it to "Azi". 

Aziraphale had actually been the one to suggest they rest in their own homes for the night. Crowley had plants to tend to and Aziraphale wanted to do a bit of soul searching. He needed to figure out what he was, who he was. And Crowley, lovely as he may be, was prolonging that needed alone time. 

It was a gorgeous Sunday morning in Crowley's opinion. The rain was coming down in waves, thunder and lightning throwing fits outside. He couldn't resist walking to a massive window while in a silken bathrobe. 

A flash of lightning had his grin growing, the flashes illuminating his fangs. So beautiful, he thought. He eventually turned away from the window, clothing shifting to his usual. He glanced over at a clock, raising a brow at seeing it was only 6:30 in the morning. How strange, he usually woke so late. Not important.

He made his way to the plant room, the foliage trembling at his silent entrance. He plucked up the spray bottle, beginning to mist his plants and examine them. 

"Count yourself lucky he fixed you…"

Crowley's voice was low and cold as he lifted a once damaged leaf. The plant trembled harder as it was inspected more thoroughly. 

"Let it happen again, and I'll be making a bonfire out of you."

The plant shook harder and Crowley moved onto the next. Idle spritzing, little threats, but all of his plants were in tip top condition. Gorgeous,  _ obedient _ above all else. 

It didn't take long for him to finish up here and move onto the rest of his home. He should still be in bed right now but he had so much energy. He hadn't had this much for as long as he could remember.

_ Love. _

He thought. That had to be what was bringing him up. Aziraphale's attentions, his devotion to him. The way he always smiled, the way those eyes would light up just for him. He found himself daydreaming before long, imagining that lovely set of wings on display while the two were nestled together. Maybe he would have his wings out as well? 

Speaking of wings, it's been some time since his last preen. He sat himself on the bed, shutting his eyes as he willed them into being. He spread them far and wide before letting them settle down. He looked to his right, body going rigid at seeing a bit if discoloration.

Without thought he lashed out and snatched an offending feather, curling his wing up to get a better look at it. White?! How the  _ hell _ were his wings shifting to  _ white _ ?! 

Wait… Aziraphale's were shifting to black,  _ his _ were shifting to white. They had  _ just _ stopped the apocalypse. They went against their own side, they did something so vile yet so good-

"I am  **not** an Angel."

He huffed at the outward proclamation. The wings were spread and he began to do a proper bit of grooming, mind running rampant. Had he really done something so good as to cause this? How would stopping the apocalypse, going against both Heaven and Hell, be considered a good deed?! 

It didn't take long before he felt those wings were in order. A little stretch, a flutter, and he relaxed them against his back. 

_ Should I tell him? _

No. Definitely not. Crowley brought a hand to his face as he shut his eyes. It would break Aziraphale even more to learn Crowley was  _ ascending _ . It personally made Crowley feel sick. He didn't want to be associated with them, he didn't want to be associated with down below, but to be associated with up top? Madness.

If let up there he would come plummeting right back down after figuring out how to get rid of Gabriel. Just a small murder, nothing to worry about. The bastard should have been closer to the flames that day. He could imagine the abuse Aziraphale had been through and for him to remain so gentle after was a miracle in and of itself. 

His wings disappeared as he cleared his mind. 

_ What have we done? _

__________

The rest of his day was spent, at Aziraphale's request, far away from the Angel. He now had his own soul searching to do. Finding out one was going back up to  _ Heaven  _ of all places was quite the shock. Too bad he didn't feel like being a goody goody again. 

Somehow he found himself slipping into a bar, far too early to really be drinking but what else was he supposed to do? No more paperwork, no more of a drive to cause mayhem. His whole world revolves around someone who wanted alone time. 

_ I just need to figure myself out is all. _

Crowley leaned over his table a bit as he heard Aziraphale's voice in his head. Of course he did. Time alone, time without comfort. Crowley was going to drive himself mad if he didn't at least peep in and see what his Angel was up to. 

Actually that wasn't a bad idea. 

He stood from his spot, a bit wobbly before casting out the alcohol. He left a decent tip as per usual before slipping out and into his Bentley. A quick drive, a quick peep, and all would be good. Hopefully. 

__________

Aziraphale awoke with a cough, groaning at the dryness in his mouth. The taste of charcoal was absolutely disgusting. He reached out for a mug of water, downing it far too quickly. The mug was set back aside and he sat up from his bed. A good stretch was accompanied by a rather loud yawn. 

His wings formed shortly after, extending as far out as he could will them before curling around. Aziraphale ran his fingers down the flight feathers, eyes half lidded as he got to the black tips. 

_ If I am to become a demon, at least I will have Crowley still. _

Nothing much would change, right? He would still be himself, wanting to do good and helping others. They didn't actually answer to anyone now so he  _ could _ be a good demon. Funny thought that was. But he had been firmly telling himself that he would always have Angelic views. Always.

He shut his eyes as his wings nestled into their resting place. They disappeared shortly after and he made his way downstairs. 

_ It won't be that bad, will it? _

He reached into the pantry and took out a tea bag, having snagged one of his favorites. 

_ Just warm all the time. A bit of pain. Nothing I can't get used to. _

He got the kettle and set it on the stove, leaning back against the counter. He let out a long sigh, brows furrowing. 

_ Crowley has always been a good demon. Never actually hurts people. He loves, he cares about humans and this world. _

Aziraphale shook his head, the smallest little crooked smile on his face. 

_ To think I actually want to be like him now. _

A gentle demon, one that does more random inconveniences than harm. But he wouldn't have to do evil, which was the best part. He just… couldn't go into churches.

His smile faded as he slowly realized he wouldn't be able to read his bibles anymore. The pages could burn him. 

_ Why is this happening to me? _

A soft scream soon turned into a wail as the kettle reached temperature. He plucked it up and set it down, pouring the water into a mug with the teabag. 

He put the kettle on a cold burner and plucked up his mug. A frivolous miracle later and the tea was exactly how he wanted it. A small sip and his eyes closed, mug held close to his face. 

_ Whatever happens to you, I will always be here. _

Those words brought him so much comfort. Such a warm feeling, a pleasantly warm one. Not that burning from before that Crowley had willed away. Really needed to thank him for that. It was making this bearable. 

He took another sip of tea before making his way downstairs into the shop. Perhaps some reading to pass the time would be nice. Getting lost in the stories of humans was always fun. That would never change. 

__________

Crowley had managed to peep into the shop through some closed blinds, a simple miracle shifting them open slightly. And Aziraphale was just sitting in a chair relaxing. Reading a book. 

Relief flowed through him and he shut the blinds, turning to continue his day. As he walked by the front door a note materialized on the door. 

Shit.

He debated upon pretending it wasn't there but made his way over to it. He took the paper and opened it. 

[To a watchful demon,

Thank you for allowing me time to myself. I believe I have most things sorted though I feel more time apart would be beneficial. I believe Tuesday there is a carnival coming to the area. I would enjoy dressing up with you and spending time together then. 

Love, 

Aziraphale]

Before he shut it more words formed on the paper. 

[P.S. I would like to try and massage your wings sometime.]

Crowley put the note in his breast pocket, feeling a bit too hot now. Aziraphale wanted to do that with him? Touch  _ him _ like that? 

He needed to go back to that bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> = w =; 
> 
> There's a reason Crowley's been feeling SO good


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pain. Pain commenceth.

Crowley somehow made it back home while being entirely drunk off his ass. He still had a bottle in hand, magically refilling with booze with every sip. He slipped into his home, door slamming behind him. 

He cracked his neck and slid off the door, taking a large swig of alcohol. He set the bottle down on his desk before looking his seat over. He turned a dial and shifted into his second form, slowly slithering onto the chair. Before long the cushions heated up, Crowley more than content to sleep here for the night.

He coiled around the armrests before settling down for the night. Nice and warm.

Sometime during the night, his dreams took a massive shift. Instead of some nonsense there came a voice. Had he not been drunk he may remember those words, who had spoken to him, but as it was he was a drunken sleeping snake with no sense to be found. 

__________

  
  


Aziraphale had found himself falling asleep rather early. His books had been fun but he could barely keep awake anymore. He was so exhausted, and for no reason! He always had so much energy, this was a horrid change.

And he didn't even have Crowley to cuddle tonight.

Aziraphale had changed into something light to sleep in, feeling rather warm. It didn't take too long for him to fall asleep, dreams soon coming after. 

Everything was calm, beautiful. A day outside near the pond, ducks quacking, children playing. He sighed in bliss, humming when a hand took his own. He looked to the right to see Crowley sitting there but something was.. wrong. 

"Crowley?"

"Yes, Love?"

"Are you feeling alright?"

Aziraphale reached out to gently pet over Crowley's face. Crowley hummed and leaned into it, glasses shifting ever so slightly. Aziraphale slowly took his hand back only for Crowley to reach up and take off his glasses.

Aziraphale's eyes went wide. 

"Your eyes-!"

Crowley raised a brow before shrugging and lacing his fingers with Aziraphale's. 

"A nice change isn't it?"

"How-why?"

"Shhh-shhh… Everything is okay, Love."

Aziraphale's gaze was glued to those eyes. These were not his Crowley's eyes. A gentle honey color instead of that vibrant gold, a  _ normal _ pupil in place of a slit one. 

Crowley reached out to gently run his fingers over Aziraphale's face, though he shied away from it. This wasn't Crowley. This  _ couldn't  _ be Crowley. He yanked his hand back, putting distance between them. 

"Where is he? You're not Crowley-what did you do to him?!"

Aziraphale's fear was loud in his voice. The thought of losing his demon, his whole world. 

"Dear, you're making a scene. Come here."

And then the dream began slipping even worse. He gripped at his chest as he felt heat rise up, smoke beginning to circle around him. The scenery began to slowly darken until it was only the two of them. Embers were forming around Aziraphale's feet, smog rising up to choke him. 

When he looked up to Crowley his breath hitched. His demon, his lover, his everything had his wings out and they were pure  _ white _ . He grit his teeth when he felt pain in his own wings, glancing back to see pure black ones spread far and wide.

His attention returned to Crowley when he began speaking though the words were unintelligible. When Crowley opened his mouth to continue Aziraphale was ripped from his slumber. 

A gasping wheeze, hands grabbing at his chest, back arching as flames took root deep within his being. A large wheeze had smog and ash erupting from Aziraphale's mouth and nose. He shifted onto his side, scrabbling to grab purchase on something- anything. 

The headboard cracked under his grip, his wings forcing their way out, flipping him onto his front. A silent scream ripped through his body as something akin to molten knives raced their way down from base to wingtip.

Tears were streaming down his face, a deep red comparable to fresh human blood. He shut his eyes tightly as that fire within him flared again, curling into himself only to spew out flame from his mouth. 

His body trembled as the fire continued to consume him, the feeling of those molten blades sinking into his wings now. His throat burned, his entire body being cooked alive.

The blackness at the base of those feathers slowly spread until they covered half of each feather. Then the fire within him slowly, all too slowly, died down until it was only a mild ache. 

He curled hard into himself, coughing and wheezing, sniffling as tears trailed bloody streaks down his face. His wings hurt too much to move as with the rest of his body. The only thing he could do now was sob and choke, eyes shut tightly, face buried in a thoroughly soiled pillow. 

Black ash covered the bed around his quaking form, speckles of red peppering where his tears had landed. His clothing had even shifted in hue, burned into a sickly grey instead of that soft cream color. 

__________

Crowley's head perked up when he heard the phone ringing. He slowly crept up and up until his chin rested upon the desk, tongue flickering lazily. He was waiting for it to time out as per usual. Voice mail truly was a gift.

When that loud beep sounded the only thing following it was a wheeze and a pained cough. The person on the other end gasped for breath, shuddering and hiccupping only for a heavier cough to escape their throat. 

"H-hurts…"

The voice was broken, barely even there. In an instant, Crowley was back in his human form plucking up the phone. All alcohol left his system as he took in the sounds of his Love hacking, struggling to breathe. 

"Don't move!"

Crowley slammed the phone down, snapped his fingers for some normal clothes, and rushed out the door. With a more powerful miracle he appeared right outside Aziraphale's shop. 

His face scrunched at the scent of a unique burning every fallen angel knew all too intimately. He rushed inside, the scent hitting him hard enough to cause phantom pains in his own wings. 

He rushed up the stairs, following the smell until he heard choked sobs from the bedroom. He miracled the door open, hurrying to Aziraphale's side.

Aziraphale's eyes were screwed shut, his face half buried in a singed, soot covered pillow. The sheets around him were even burned and those wings. Crowley felt his stomach lurch, his heart stop.

Aziraphale was nowhere near the end of this.

"Shh-shh, I've got you."

He knew how sensitive Aziraphale was, he  _ had _ to be sensitive at the moment. He swallowed thickly before delicately placing a hand on his Love's shoulder. Aziraphale grit his teeth, the flesh still feeling like it was ablaze. 

"C-"

He coughed, a harsh force that shook his entire body and dispelled even more smog from his throat. 

"Crowley…"

"Hush up. Stay still."

Crowley raised his hand, fingers trembling for a moment when he looked back at those wings. He could sense the pain in the air, how intense the blaze had been within his former Angel. His descent was far from over, but the fires were dwindling. 

His hand moved to gently press into Aziraphale's back. Eyes shut as he focused on feeling his Lover's pain, and it was lessening. Slowly but surely, the blaze was dying down. But those wings. Better off without them with the amount of pain they were in.

Aziraphale gasped when his wings were forced away, going back to a violent coughing fit. The pain lessened but he still couldn't breathe well.

"Roll onto your side for me."

Crowley's voice was soft as he moved to try and shift Aziraphale from his front. Aziraphale grit his teeth as he was touched, every bit of contact kindling the flames. When he finally got to his side his eyes peeped open.

What was once red was now turning to an inky black, clouding his vision. Crowley did his best to ignore his own emotions, focusing solely on helping his Love. A hand was placed at the base of Aziraphale's ribs, a harsh shiver running through him. 

"Take in a deep breath and let it out slow."

Aziraphale scrunched his eyes shut and choked in as big a breath as he could. That hand trailed up as he exhaled, a mass of smog and soot flowing out and into the air before disappearing. 

Aziraphale gasped for more air, coughing now from dryness than that hellfire. Crowley cupped Aziraphale's cheek, running a thumb beneath an eye to wipe away the thick black substance. It disappeared into nothing at the stroke, Aziraphale's vision returning in that eye.

Crowley moved to the other one, giving a careful swipe. Once his Love was able to breathe and see he gently began to rearrange him. Aziraphale hissed as he was moved to a propped up sitting position. So many pillows on his back, so much pressure on his still burning skin.

"Drink."

Aziraphale looked to Crowley, gaze shooting down when a mug pressed at his lips. He opened his mouth and took a sip, the sweet taste of honey and tea soothing its way down. His eyes shut as he drank, Crowley petting a hand through slightly singed hair. He did his best to miracle away what was there, thankfully keeping that soft blonde color. 

Once the mug was empty Crowley set it aside, looking his Love over. He could see the outline on the bed where Aziraphale had caught ablaze. He grit his teeth as the memory of his own fall surfaced, though he shoved down the pain. Aziraphale needed comfort and that was far more important than dealing with his own trauma.

  
  


Aziraphale's body refused to stop its trembling, his true form still very much in pain as well. Crowley hesitated before settling down beside his Love, looking him from head to toe for any telling signs of this repeating itself. 

With a finger snap the bed was cleaned, the scent with it. Aziraphale's clothes returned to their unburned state, that hue returning. 

Aziraphale opened his mouth only to have Crowley glare down at him. 

"No talking. Not yet. Takes time to heal, Love."

He let out a trembling sigh, eyes shutting as he rested back into the plush pillows. Crowley hesitated before moving a hand to Aziraphale's chest. His own fire had been dying down, he could barely feel it now. 

"Relax for me."

With that he shut his eyes, bowing his head as he focused on his Love. Aziraphale shut his eyes at the feeling, not particularly liking the feeling of both his forms be pried into so deeply, but he trusted Crowley. 

That trembling began to die down as heat slipped from Aziraphale's extremities. He let out a trembling sigh as the warmth was quite literally sucked from him, the pain along with it. Before long he felt as he did before this massive shift, before this tumble downwards towards oblivion.

Crowley's teeth hated him at the moment. His jaw ached from how hard it was clenched but he  _ needed _ to do this. He kept the tears at bay as that all too familiar pain slipped back to its rightful place. Like old wounds turned fresh again, he could feel the fire racing through and charring Everything in its path. 

Thankfully he was able to swallow it down, force his face to relax as a mild ache and burn was left for his Love. He couldn't take it all, he wished he could, but anymore and he would slip into madness he felt.

"Feeling better?"

His voice was normal, even, though if one looked beneath his glasses they would see the hint of tears. 

Aziraphale gave a testing nod, relief flowing through him at the lack of pain. He looked Crowley over, a soft frown on his face. He could barely remember that dream but those eyes stuck with him, burning into his mind just as the hellfire took root.

Crowley tensed when he felt a hand touch his cheek, doing his best to cope with this self torment. Aziraphale's fingers felt far too hot for him, like flames licking at his flesh. He turned towards his lover, able to see concern written all over his face. Did he know?

"Can…"

Aziraphale's voice was just a whisper, somewhat pained as it came out though loud enough for Crowley to hear and understand.

"Glasses off?"

He breathed, Crowley furrowing his brows. Why did he want that? He blinked hard, making sure to force away whatever moisture had gathered, before reaching up and slowly removing his shades. 

Why Aziraphale seemed to relax at that he wasn't sure. His eyes were horrific, the one thing he could never change about himself. He was even more confused when Aziraphale moved forward to wrap arms around him, face being buried in his neck. 

Crowley grit his teeth, slipping his arms around his Love's back. Every bit of contact was a reignition of flame, his flesh unable to char and grow numb. He shut his eyes as nuzzling started up on his neck, the soft touches making the flames lick more ferociously with each little movement. 

"I love you, Crowley…"

The whisper against his neck had Crowley tighten his hold on Aziraphale. Damn his own pain, damn this fire, and damn both Heaven and Hell for doing this to them! 

He gripped the back of Aziraphale's shirt, pulling him hard into an embrace. His teeth were grit tightly as those tears finally began to flow. A stuttering breath gave him away and Aziraphale began to gently pet over Crowley's back. 

"Don't… Don't scare me like that."

Crowley's voice was laced with emotion and so much pain. Aziraphale hugged him tighter, able to feel Crowley start to tremble. He didn't care the touch hurt, he didn't care Aziraphale was doing harm to him in place of helping, all he cared about was being as close as physically possible to the one that meant everything to him.

The two remained curled up together for some time, Crowley disguising his horrid deed with confessions. He wasn't entirely lying, the thought of losing Aziraphale and seeing him in pain enough to bring him to tears. It's just that his current predicament was causing physical pain, pain he was reliving as to save his lover from the horrors he went through.

Aziraphale had pet away his tears, confessing his own concerns and woes. He was terrified of this happening again, of falling and going through that pain once more. He didn't want to be a demon. He didn't want to lose the white in his wings, his Halo. 

"B-But as…. As long as I have you…"

Aziraphale's voice was weak, a hand cupping Crowley's cheek and petting him so sweetly.

"I'm happy."

__________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GODDAMMIT CROWLEY STOP HURTING YOURSELF.
> 
> AZIRAPHALE IS TOO STUPID TO PICK UP ON IT!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Azi is depressed 
> 
> Crowley doesn't accept that
> 
> Also fluff. There is fluff here.

After the whole burning alive incident, Aziraphale's mood has dropped considerably. He truly was falling and there was nothing they could do about it. He knew there was no point in crying, he wouldn't be alone in this, but he'd found himself slipping into a depression. Maybe this was why Crowley had slept for so long…

Crowley adjusted rather quickly to his reignited flames. It was like an old friend now, licking at his flesh and drawing out pain he was so used to. He could even tolerate cuddling Aziraphale without acknowledging the pain now. Even if it had only been two days.

In that time Crowley had moved Aziraphale to his home. There was no way he would leave such a depressed being alone to their own devices. Aziraphale often times found himself just staring at an open book, the words not registering in his mind. Lost to his emotions, the growing darkness and dread. 

This was where Crowley found his Love. Curled up on the loveseat, cold drink on a coffee table, and an open book still on that same page from an hour ago. 

"Aziraphale…"

There came no response, the man lost in his own mind. Crowley sighed and walked forward, finally getting his Love's attention by pushing the book down. 

"Oh, Crowley, is something the matter?"

"You can say that."

Crowley gently took the book away and set it aside, instead moving to sit on Aziraphale's lap. Aziraphale's eyes went wide at their new position, Crowley having  _ never _ done anything like this before. He could feel his face heating up a bit. 

Aziraphale furrowed his brows when his face was held in both hands. Crowley's gaze was intense, unwavering. He'd been watching Aziraphale go deeper down this rabbit hole and he wouldn't stand for it anymore.

"Dear boy, tell me what's the matter."

"You."

The firmness in Crowley's voice had Aziraphale holding his breath. Him?

"Me? What did I do? Have I-"

"You are  _ not _ turning into a depressed pile of rubbish in my home."

Aziraphale closed his mouth and swallowed thickly. Well that was one way of putting it. He did feel like rubbish, so low. He didn't want to continue falling.

"Now, we're going out tonight. And then I'm preening you again. Got it?"

Aziraphale gave a small nod, frowning when Crowley slipped off his lap. He could still feel the warmth of those hands on his face, the warm of Crowley on his lap. Why couldn't he stay longer?

With a long sigh, Aziraphale slowly accepted that he needed to get up. He stood from his spot, bones popping as he gave a much needed stretch. How long had he been sitting here again? A quick glance at his watch had him understanding Crowley's concerns.

He'd been sitting in that chair for eight hours straight. Eight entire hours wasted inside his own thoughts, not even caring to try and read that book. What was becoming of him? 

_ It has to be the fall. _

He thought to himself. Crowley had explained to him how some demons changed into entirely new beings after falling. They wouldn't retain anything of themselves and dive deep into the ideals of hell. That thought was terrifying. He was  _ not _ going to embody the sin of  _ sloth _ . He wouldn't embody  _ any _ sins. The thought had him feeling physically ill.

He balled his fists and took a deep inhale through his nose. From this moment on, he would force himself to do what he enjoyed. He would never allow himself to slip into any true sinful states anymore. He couldn't even believe he'd been lazing about so much! 

"Crowley, when would you like to leave?"

He called out, beginning to walk after where he'd seen his Love last. 

"Sooner rather than later, Love."

Crowley responded, poking his head out into the doorway. He honestly wasn't expecting that to work so well. Aziraphale made his way over, finding himself surrounded by trembling plants. He frowned as he took them in, feeling quite horrible they went through so much abuse. 

"Have I been lazing about often…?"

"More so than usual."

Crowley was quick to respond, giving one of his plants a spritz of water. Aziraphale sighed, watching as his love moved about within the room. At least he didn't yell when he had company. 

"Oh…"

Aziraphale looked Crowley from head to toe as he continued caring for his plants. Crowley seemed the slightest bit different today, the more he stared. His clothing wasn't hugging his body as tightly and he seemed to be limiting certain movements. 

Maybe  _ he  _ was in need of a wing rub later. Yes, that did sound fun. Crowley deserved it after all. 

He hummed, moving forward and wrapping his arms around Crowley's middle, nuzzling into his Love's neck. Crowley sighed and put the sprayer down, reaching up to give Aziraphale a little scratch on the head. 

"Touchy today…"

"Says you. I didn't come in and sit on your lap."

Crowley couldn't argue with that one. He slipped around in that gentle embrace, facing his former Angel. Still an adjustment not calling him that anymore. 

"Maybe you should sometime."

Aziraphale's face reddened and Crowley leaned in close, nuzzling sweetly into a soft cheek. Aziraphale sighed out softly, shutting his eyes and tilting his head. 

And then Crowley was gone, walking right out of the room. Aziraphale blinked, taking a few moments to process that. He rushed after Crowley when his wits returned, not sure if he wanted to snap for abandoning him and leading him on or be embarrassed that Crowley could make him lose himself so easily.

"Crowley!"

"I'll be in the Bentley, Love."

__________

The two were out on the town for hours. Crowley made sure to keep Aziraphale entertained, popping from shop to shop and driving to the most beautiful areas he could. The assortment of goodies in the back assisted in keeping his Angel's mood up. 

The two somehow ended up on the countryside surrounded by flowers. Crowley settled down in the grass, deciding to lie down. Aziraphale settled down beside him, preferring to sit. He shut his eyes as the warmth of the sun gently beat down upon them. Such a lovely day. And then he had an idea. 

Aziraphale looked down at Crowley before his gaze shifted up towards the skies. Beautiful, open and inviting. He would just need to get over the sight of his own wings if Crowley agreed. 

"... When was the last time you flew?"

Crowley raised a brow, giving Aziraphale a very strange look now. The hell kind of question was that? 

"Why?"

"It's beautiful out and I was thinking we could… you know… the sun would feel lovely on our wings."

Crowley could only stare at Aziraphale. He hadn't done much to his wings as of late, he didn't want to see them. And he was positive Aziraphale would throw a fit if he saw them. What he was becoming. That they were trading places so to speak.

"It would, wouldn't it? I don't really feel like giving it a go so I could watch you if-"

Crowley trailed off at the  _ pout _ Aziraphale weaponized against him. Oh how his Love knew how to twist an arm. Crowley was wrapped around Aziraphale's pinky like that golden ring he always wore. 

"Fine. Just… give me a minute, yeah?"

Aziraphale nodded, skimming the area over. He couldn't see a single human not house for miles. They would truly be alone and if anyone did see they'd just hide in the clouds. A perfect plan. Or Crowley could erase their minds. That worked too.

Beside him, Crowley slowly got up from the ground to a sitting position. Maybe if he willed it? No. Didn't work like that. Wings were a  _ direct _ reflection of one's alignment. There was no changing their hue. 

"Aziraphale, will this make you happy?"

"Yes, very much so."

Aziraphale's smile faded as he took in Crowley's expression. His jaw was tense and his brows were furrowed. Something was clearly eating him alive. He opened his mouth to speak before shutting it and taking in a shivering breath. 

"Please tell me your wings haven't changed too."

Crowley had his knees up to his chest, chin resting on top. He shut his eyes and let them free, the white tips  _ glowing _ in the sunlight. 

Aziraphale could feel his world shattering all over again. He reached out a hesitant hand, holding his breath as fingers ghosted over those feathers. Jet black, beautiful, down to the holiest white one could ever invision. 

"When…?"

"Don't know. Probably around the same time as yours."

Aziraphale moved himself closer, beginning to run both hands down those wings. This was all wrong, every bit of this was so  **_wrong_ ** . 

_ Why does he get to go up while I'm cast down?! _

Where did that thought come from? Aziraphale blinked away some tears, more shocked by that thought than anything. Jealousy? Spite? Against  _ his _ Crowley?

What was becoming of him? Of them?!

"Feels wonderful…"

Aziraphale swallowed thickly. He'd never heard Crowley's voice so calm, so filled with peace. 

_ How can I think so horribly of him? This is good for him. He's been redeemed… _

Aziraphale forced his thoughts to be more positive, though it was painful. He always knew Crowley had some good in him but to see it show so brightly should make him happy. He should be elated. He would be. 

"Yes it… it does feel nice to have Her light shine through you…"

Crowley's wings tensed. That wasn't what he meant. He glanced over his shoulder, Aziraphale having frozen in place. Did he say something wrong?

"Don't."

Crowley's voice was a low growl, causing Aziraphale's innate fight or flight sense to kick in. He had a harsh shiver run through his being, hands slowly raising in a defensive manner.

"I am  _ not _ going to Heaven."

Crowley's voice remained low. Something he'd wanted for so long before finally growing to absolutely despise up top. He never knew why he fell, he actually did, but a warning would have been nice. Not just agony as he's struck down and-

"But your wings…"

"I don't give a  _ damn _ about my wings!"

Crowley suddenly roared, turning to face his cowering lover proper. Aziraphale had seen Crowley angry before but never pointed so strongly at him. 

"I'm not an Angel! And I don't even know if I'm considered a demon anymore! And you-I don't know what you are either but we are  _ not _ changing sides! We aren't even on their sides! We're on  _ our _ side! Ours, Aziraphale! Do you understand?"

Aziraphale's breathing was shallow, his eyes wide. He could see something glint as it slipped down Crowley's cheek then another before the man was sitting back and removing his glasses. His wings shuddered with his choppy inhales, trembling and spreading ever so slightly with his exhales. 

A hand rubbed harshly at his eyes, teeth grit as he finally started letting it out. The rock Aziraphale had been depending upon for so long, that brilliant mountain of love and care, had finally been worn down into nothing more than a pebble. A pebble requiring the utmost care and love at this point in his life. 

"I'm not-" 

He gasped for breath. 

"-not losing y-you again!"

Aziraphale could feel tears slipping down his own face. He swallowed thickly before slowly moving forward. He could feel Crowley's breath hitch when he wrapped his love in a firm embrace. Crowley's arms wrapped around Aziraphale hard enough to bruise before lessening slightly, hands trembling as they gripped hard to that lovely coat.

Aziraphale allowed his own wings to form, spreading them wide before curling them forward. Crowley's wings ducked down and curled tighter against his back, allowing Aziraphale to engulf him.

"You won't."

Aziraphale's voice was a whisper, tears still forming and falling freely.

"I promise. You won't."

Crowley sobbed into Aziraphale's shoulder for what felt like hours before calming. Aziraphale had taken to gently running his fingers through whitening feathers. He wasn't the best at it but he would try.

Crowley's eyes were half lidded as he sniffled, Aziraphale behind him giving the best preening session he could. 

"I love you…"

Crowley rubbed at his face with a hand, giving a hard sniff. 

"Love you too."

Crowley's voice was all too soft, but there was emotion to it. He loved Aziraphale with all of his being and nothing would part them. Nothing but death…

"They're still beautiful…"

Crowley shut his eyes at that, bowing his head. 

"Reminds me of… hm… I remember seeing a little hawk once with white wing tips.."

Aziraphale sighed as he moved to rub the base of those wings, working his thumbs into the flesh. Crowley groaned in bliss, leaning forward even more and spreading his wings however Aziraphale guided. He was in utter bliss. 

"And you- that swannnnmmm…"

"What swa- wait. The one that tried to bite me?"

"Yeah, that one."

Aziraphale sighed and shook his head. Pesky bird trying to steal his food then having the  _ nerve _ to try and bite him. Luckily Crowley scared it away but still. Such a rude thing.

"Still want a fly, Love?"

Crowley felt as if he could do anything with his wings at the moment. All the stress had been thoroughly rubbed out, bad feathers plucked, and one very important secret had finally been let free. 

"If you want to."

Crowley twitched his wings, Aziraphale's hands being gently batted away. He watched as his love stood from his spot and stretched both arms and wings as far out as they would go. 

All Aziraphale was capable of was staring in absolute awe. Beautiful, as always. He missed seeing those wings, the last time all the way back in Eden then at the end that never came. He could only imagine what they looked like before the fall. At least he would see that when Crowley ascended.

"Uncomfortable taking off while sitting."

Aziraphale snapped out of it and quickly got to his feet, wings giving a small flap to assist. It was always taking off from one's arse but doable. Standing was far better. 

"Sorry, I was-"

"Staring."

"Yes, I-I suppose I was…"

He swallowed, stepping closer to Crowley. 

"But how can't I? You're beautiful."

Crowley's expression was unreadable as Aziraphale stepped closer. He was about to nuzzle into his Love's cheek when a gust of wind pushed him back. 

Aziraphale stumbled before looking up, watching as massive black wings soared through the sky. And then he was joining them, his own spreading wide and beating down with enough force to propel him up lightning fast. 

He made his way towards Crowley who had decided to hover in place. He had a grin on his face as Aziraphale came close. And then his wings tightened to his form and Crowley was falling. Aziraphale didn't hesitate to dive after him, confusion written all over his face until his love spread those wings again and shot up past him. 

_ What is he even doing? _

Aziraphale followed Crowley up higher and higher until they were in the clouds. He could faintly see the black of love through the fog and then he was nearly blinded by the bright sunlight.

He shielded his eyes with a hand as he looked out to Crowley and his smug grin. 

"What are you playing at?"

Aziraphale called out, hoping Crowley would hear. Had he been close enough, Aziraphale would hear the demon(?) chuckle as he made his way closer. What was he playing at hm?

Before Aziraphale could properly react Crowley was right in front of him, wings shooting forward to stop him from smashing into Aziraphale only for him to boop their noses together.

Those wings curled in tight again and he stuck out his tongue as he went falling down through the clouds, peace signs thrown up.

Aziraphale was frozen in place for a moment before he dove down after his playful lover. Was it just a game then? Chase? 

When he broke through the clouds Crowley was waiting for him only to take off once again. Aziraphale grinned as he took chase, following Crowley's random turns and twists until he found them approaching a small village. 

He slowed a bit as they got closer, though Crowley remained at high speed. He only slowed when he saw how far back his Love was. He was slightly out of breath from the fun but he had more than enough energy to fly back up into the clouds. Aziraphale followed without a thought, soon joining him in that sea of white and blue.

"They might see us if we go there!"

Aziraphale yelled.

Crowley could read his lips and couldn't help but roll his eyes. Of course Aziraphale was afraid of that. Scaring the public was always so fun though.

He made his way over to Aziraphale, this time keeping a safe distance. No need to ruffle any feathers.

"You want to go back?"

Crowley called out, voice loud enough for Aziraphale to hear at this distance.

"It would be nice to have dinner sometime! It's getting late!"

Of course he was hungry. Crowley shook his head before causing a little miracle up in the clouds. His wings slowed in their beating as his feet gently touched the now solid puffs of white. 

Aziraphale slowly followed suit, Crowley holding up a hand to assist him down. Aziraphale could only grin as he stood above the world with what mattered to him most. 

"Well isn't this enchanting."

Crowley rolled his eyes, pulling out another pair of glasses from his pocket and moving to slip them on. Aziraphale gently took his wrist, a hopeful expression on his face. Crowley relented with a slight grimace, pocketing the shades. 

"Fine."

Aziraphale beamed and leaned in to nuzzle into Crowley's cheek. That harsh expression softened and he eventually leaned into it. So affectionate…

"I thought we could take the long way."

Aziraphale, as much as he loved food, preferred it this way. He laced their fingers together and gave another grand smile before taking the lead. 

__________

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write this differently so bad. It's difficult writing this without kisses or naughtiness but I'm prevailing and I will complete this entirely SFW FIC!!!
> 
> Minus the gore and violence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: self mutilation and lots of pain.

Even with all of Crowley's efforts Aziraphale could feel himself slipping. He was trying, he was doing his best not to become a horrid thing, but the  _ need _ to be lazy and the need to sleep seemingly forever was so  _ strong _ . Thankfully he had a friend to wake him, a friend to cuddle him when he was feeling bad, to always be there. 

Except today. 

"I need this, Love. I'll be back by dinner."

That had been hours ago. Aziraphale hadn't moved from his spot in the reading room Crowley miracled up for him. He figured it was a gift to keep him entertained since Azi hadn't been allowed to go home and be alone for a few days now. 

Every moment was spent with Crowley. Every day he got to wake up to those beautiful eyes, a smiling face, or perhaps a serpent when he would arise too early. Such a cute thing, something he never could resist petting. And his snoot, oh so boopable.

Even with find thoughts in his mind, Aziraphale couldn't bring himself to smile. He'd been staring at the cover of a book in his lap for an hour now, mind slipping deeper and deeper into places it should never go. 

He took in a breath before slowly standing, making his way over to a mirror in the room. Crowley normally popped in to give himself a full bodied once over in it every morning before disappearing to do something else. Aziraphale would be walked inside and left to his own devices until food or a date or anything to get him out of the house.

Aziraphale had bags beneath his eyes both from stress and his new need for sleep. Or perhaps it was all the doing of that Fall? The demons looked horrid in Hell, made sense he would start shifting himself. 

_ Look at you... _

The thought had him running his gaze from his face ever lower. His clothes had darkened slightly, something he couldn't control. Everything he wore just started to get this dark aura around it and he  _ hated _ it.

_ Making everything dark, being a burden on your friend… _

Aziraphale took a deep inhale and slowly let it free. Crowley cared for him, he truly did, even loved him, but he didn't deserve this. He didn't have to care for someone becoming so broken, someone who refused to do little more than exist as of late. He put on a show of course, always pretending he was fine and happy around his love and yet…

_ I can't keep lying to myself… _

Aziraphale shut his eyes as his wings formed, spreading wide and showing off those miscolored feathers. He opened his eyes, wings slowly settling down against his back. 

_ I'm not good anymore. _

Was he ever good? Had he ever been a good Angel during his time? He tried. He tried so very hard but there were always doubts and questions and the  _ need _ for an answer. 

His wings gave a little flutter and he reached up to wipe his face. More tears. His body shouldn't be able to make so much water. He let out a shivering breath as he spread his wings again, truly taking in the sight.

_ Maybe if I… I'll look like me again… _

Aziraphale could feel a twang of fear at that thought but to have pure white wings again, to have that black gone, to be freed of his falling if only for a day-

He would just need to deny Crowley tonight, give him attention instead.

He stretched out one wing, making a mental note of every single blackened feather. And then he reached out, taking the smallest of the bunch in hand. He was gentle at first, not sure if he could actually do this until his resolve hit again.

__________

It felt like an eternity, but he couldn't stop. The sight of less black in his wings had him feeling some sort of elation, as if he was actually freed of what he was becoming. And so the plucking continued. 

Dim light slipped from each wound left by the removed feathers, something that should be brighter than the sun. He ignored it, ignoring the pain, ignoring the fact he wouldn't be able to fly. None of that mattered. 

It took all of thirty minutes to rid himself of those miscolored feathers. His wings, those poor wings, were spread wide and proud. There were pinpricks of light closing ever so slowly on the wounds to his left wing.

Aziraphale had tears down his cheeks as he smiled at himself, smiled at the lie he was screaming at himself. He could just pluck them! When they would grow back, all he had to do was rid himself of the evil again. And when the black would spread he could just take  _ more _ feathers.

His almost manic grin began to waver as those wounds sealed. The pile of miscolored feathers cluttered around his feet. His smile finally turned to a wavering grimace, eyes scrunching shut. Tears continued to flow as he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands. 

As he sobbed he began to pray, he began to beg to be brought back into Her grace. He  _ needed _ Her light, her love. Without it he was nothing. And he knew he was nothing. 

_ Then what was Crowley? _

Aziraphale shuddered at that thought. Did he consider Crowley nothing while he was a demon? He had been something, that was for sure. Someone he could care for, someone he depended upon, someone he loved. 

Aziraphale's wings curled around himself as he let his mind slip ever darker. 

What had he done to himself?

__________

Crowley felt as if his entire being was lit aflame again. The fire just kept getting stronger and stronger, demanding kindling to ease the ache. Even if he was ascending he didn't give a damn, he had the fires of hell within him doing far more damage than they should and he needed that pain to die down. 

And so that's how he found himself standing in front of a burning building. Various drunken teenagers were cheering and throwing things into the church, breaking gorgeous windows along with anything else the stones and bottles could crash against. 

He took in a slow, deep breath as that fire died down within. So easy to manipulate the youth, but he made sure not a single living thing was inside prior to the fire. He knew these kids were destined to fall farther and farther down the wrong path but he couldn't care at the moment. The good at him, the good that had been rising, was still held captive by the flames that no longer belonged. 

The light that tried to blossom was effectively smothered by the fires of Hell, well, until the fires died down at this horrid act. Crowley grimaced as his senses returned, no longer fueled by desperation. In an instant he was at his doorstep, slipping inside and slamming the door behind himself. 

He kept his teeth grit as he made his way to the plant room to begin screaming his head off. Aziraphale, hidden away in that library made just for him, could hear the muffled shouts. He'd hidden his feathers as deep in the closet as he could manage, hidden away in a pillowcase of all things. Far too fitting, hopefully not suspicious. 

He slowly stood from his spot, the ache in his wings having grown since the plucking. He took a deep breath before making his way to the plant room. He paused at the door, contemplating interrupting this. Crowley was clearly angry over something, whatever personal affair he had to take care of. What had it been anyway?

Was he doing hellish work? Heavenly? They were on  **_their_ ** side.

Aziraphale could feel anger rising up at the thought of Crowley lying to him about this. About them. About what they were. 

"Crowley."

Aziraphale spoke as he pushed the door open, meeting an enraged gaze. That fire died down surprisingly fast as they stared into one another's eyes, Crowley feeling guilty for what he'd done. It was the light in him doing that. He never would have felt bad for burning a building, especially an empty one. 

Crowley's gaze shifted to the floor as Aziraphale's expression remained firm. He shut his eyes as he heard steps approaching, not wanting to deal with his love's newfound wrath. Of course the fires would fuel him. Aziraphale was changing.

He was thrown for a loop when he was suddenly pushed against a wall, a hand firmly over his chest. Aziraphale had no idea what had come over him but this just felt so  _ right _ . Now he understood why Crowley did it to him. 

"Aziraphale?"

"Dear boy, you owe me some answers."

The thrill that went through him at using that tone, a near growl coming from his own throat. The look of absolute shock slowly turning to acceptance on Crowley's face…

"Aziraphale, what are you doing?"

Crowley's voice was a bit hoarse from all the yelling, but there was emotion in it. A plea. 

_ Don't change. Please. Don't become like them. Stay soft, stay with me. _

But as he pleaded for this that fire he didn't own finally, truly began to fade. He shut his eyes as relief, true relief, flowed through him. And that seemed to egg the falling Angel on. 

"I'm getting answers- look at me, Crowley!"

Aziraphale pushed him a bit harder against the wall, Crowley scrunching his face but opening his eyes. This was getting a bit painful. Nowhere near where those flames had been, but- 

"Answers to what? And why are you doing this?"

"I'm- I'm…"

Aziraphale grit his teeth as more tears pricked his face. It just. It felt so good to do this, to be rough with him, to push him around. And he was just  _ taking _ it. He wasn't even fighting back. 

A harsh ache in his chest had his expression shift to pain as he stopped pushing him. His grip remained firm on the front of his friend's jacket, a shuddering sigh escaping his lips. 

"Feels good, doesn't it…"

Aziraphale kept his gaze off of Crowley as he continued. 

"Finally letting go. Getting angry… violent."

Crowley gently ran a hand down Aziraphale's cheek, able to feel a bit of tears slipping down. Of course he would.

"I don't want to be like this…!"

Aziraphale gripped Crowley's jacket tighter for a moment, gritting his teeth as he contemplated just throwing his friend to the ground for no reason other than to let whatever was in him  _ out _ .

Crowley shut his eyes and let out a long sigh. 

"Start yelling."

Aziraphale looked up at him, tears slipping down his cheeks. He looked angry and lost. 

"Yell at me. Come on. You'll feel better after."

Aziraphale could feel more tears well up and before he could control it he pushed Crowley back into the wall. Why did he want this? Why did he  _ want _ to be abused?!

"STOP ENCOURAGING THIS!!!"

He began, the damn breaking. 

"Stop pretending everything is fine! Stop acting like this doesn't bother you! I'm  _ falling _ , Crowley! And you're being sent back into Her damn light!"

Aziraphale gripped tighter on that jacket, head bowing as he scrunched his eyes shut. He choked a sob, leaning more into Crowley, his head lowering even more until his forehead was just beneath Crowley's chin. 

Crowley's hand had remained on Aziraphale's cheek though he couldn't stop himself. That white fluff was gripped and Aziraphale's head was pulled back. Pain ripped across his love's features but he didn't care. He got right in Aziraphale's face, a well practiced snarl slipping from his lips. 

"You have no idea how I feel right now."

Aziraphale's expression shifted to anger before he felt that burning take root again. As his face twisted in pain Crowley shut his eyes, true peace slipping through his being. 

"I-It's happening again! The burning!"

Crowley released Aziraphale's hair, instead taking a step back. He felt so free now.

"I gave it back."

Aziraphale coughed as his lungs felt as if they were filling with smog though nothing came out. He gave Crowley a confused look as he tried to process this. 

"And, this  _ does _ bother me."

Crowley's voice was firm. He felt so at peace right now while his friend was truly losing himself to the Fire.

"Do you have any idea how painful that was? Taking that fire from you? Keeping it in  _ me _ ?"

Aziraphale gripped at his own chest as that fire settled in. He blinked before slowly bringing his gaze up. 

"Why…?"

Crowley crossed his arms, almost glaring down at his friend. 

"Because I love you. I wanted to protect you,but that isn't possible! Not with Heaven and Hell pulling us like this!"

And that peace was slipping away just as quickly as it came. 

"You're going to get violent, your negative emotions will get stronger and I can only guess my positive ones will take over. And that fire never goes away."

He huffed and averted his gaze. 

"When it flares you  _ have _ to do something. Anything. It makes the fire die down."

Aziraphale was doing his best to understand this but it was all so much. He balled his fists and clenched his jaw, glaring down at the ground. So much rage, so much anger. 

_ Calm down. You have to calm down. _

Before he registered what he was doing the glass door slammed behind him, a massive crack creeping up towards the frame. Crowley blinked before chasing after, catching Aziraphale as he got to the front door. 

"Where are you going?!"

"Home. Don't come."

_ Don't make me hurt you. _

Crowley could see that twisted expression of pain and rage on Aziraphale's face. 

"I don't want to hurt you, Crowley. Let me be."

Crowley opened his mouth to speak but the door slammed shut. And then Aziraphale was gone, miracled either at home or somewhere else to avoid him. 

Crowley slowly lowered his hand, he hadn't even realized he was reaching out for his love. He let out a shuddering sigh before slipping back into his plant room. 

He had a lot to talk about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme just throw that outline I had out the window. Hello new outline.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end.

In all his life, Aziraphale had never been filled with so much unbridled rage. He just didn't know what to do with it. He'd taken Crowley's advice to yell and ended up having to shoo some policemen from his home and soundproof the walls. The report had been of someone causing quite the ruckus but that was an understatement.

Aziraphale yelled and screamed until his throat was hoarse and his face was red as a tomato. He ended his fit by grabbing the nearest object- a book- and throwing it as hard as he could into the far wall. 

Pages went fluttering as the thing soared, rage leaving him for only a second before reigniting with a vengeance. He balled his fists, deciding to do with this single book- thankfully a duplicate- what Crowley did with his plants.

__________

Crowley meanwhile had poured his heart and soul out to his abused plants. He sobbed to them, he demanded answers from them, but he never harmed them. Not even the one with a spot at the top of a leaf. He couldn't bring himself to do anything of the sort.

He tried to accept this, to accept what he was becoming, but it was far too difficult. The fire no longer burned and he could feel the pain of it all slip away. And he sent that horrid pain right back to Aziraphale, to his love. 

How could he have done this? Why did he treat him that way? The pain wasn't that bad, he could live with it. He would take anything to be with his Love yet here he was curled up with one of his prized plants. He held the pot delicately in his hands, glasses having slipped down so he could see the plant in its true colors. 

"What am I supposed to do…?"

His voice was a whisper, a soft sniffle following his words. The plant shivered in his grasp before swaying off towards the other plants. Crowley eventually got the hint and looked, spotting one of his more unique plants. And it seemed he failed to separate them before they grew too close. And now they were one…

Wait.

"No. He doesn't want to see me, I can't."

The plant swayed at the two joined ones again before shivering hard as Crowley stood. Luckily he set it on a counter and turned away from it. 

"Count yourself lucky I don't feel like cleaning the disposal today."

With that he left.

__________

More days passed, both attempting to slip into their new roles. Aziraphale hated how much he wanted to cause mayhem but his miracles made a hard shift from helpful to inconvenient. 

Coffee would spill through people's cups, ice cream would fall and melt before anyone could enjoy it, flies seemed to be able to land on anything and everything edible that was uncovered. Everywhere he went people were plagued by these little incidents. 

He'd learned well from Crowley, of how to cause mayhem in the smallest of ways that mattered most to people. It turned their moods sour, made them against their own kind. Hostilities over the smallest things…

Crowley on the other hand decided to do a bit more resisting until he was absolutely compelled to help someone. He couldn't stop himself. They were sick, they were clearly dying right before his eyes. Cancer was something he had taken credit for so long ago but it was the humans that developed it. Playing with things they shouldn't…

It was simple enough to cure in the kid, just have a quick chat, put a hand on his shoulder, then poof. Gone. And now that feeling, oh that  _ glorious _ feeling of helping someone. It warmed him so deeply. Not like that fire, no, far from it. 

This was a gentle warmth, something which bubbled up and swirled. It would cause his entire being to feel tingly, to feel as though he'd just had the most wonderous massage and all he'd done was a little miracle. That warmth consumed him, enveloping him in Her light. He was consumed by it and then, just as quickly as it came, the feeling passed. 

He'd forgotten how good that felt. Going from pleasure in doing good to relief in doing evil was quite a change. 

And change was exactly what happened.

__________

Crowley awoke from his slumber to a room lit in pure white light. He shielded his eyes from it, attempting to hide beneath the covers but the light only chased him. He covered his head as much with the dark comforter as he could but the light remained.

Wait. It didn't burn.

Crowley slowly pulled the blanket down, swallowing thickly as he calmed himself. His eyes opened and he could see nothing but white filling the room. Beautiful, warm and all too inviting. But where was it coming from?

He looked down to his hands, a firm frown on his face now. Wait. He pulled the pillow over his own head, just the top of it, and grit his teeth when the light up top stopped.

_ "Shit. _ "

He hissed, having forgotten all about that pesky Halo. How the hell- heaven(?) was he supposed to blend in with this light radiating from him?! He shut his eyes tightly and focused hard, only for his wings to force themselves out.

He fell forward onto the bed, wings flapping hard for a moment before settling down. He let out a long, loud groan as that pillow was pushed down harder into the back of his head. 

How was he supposed to deal with this?!

__________

Back in the book shop, Aziraphale awoke to yet another bout of smog erupting from his mouth. The fires had ignited yet again and he forced himself into his side. Before they could surprise him he forced his wings out, spreading them as far as they would go. One was flat against the bed while the other barely touched the ceiling.

And then he could feel it, those knives again. Though this time far worse. He gripped hard at a pillow beneath himself, able to feel flames licking at the back of his throat as he hissed into it. He could feel where feathers were supposed to be, where his wings remained smooth and all too wrong.

And then the knives began to slice their way through the formerly angelic flesh. Aziraphale's cry was lost in his home, screams of utter agony ripping from his throat. His wings trembled and spread, bending in painful ways to try and escape the molten feathers slipping out. 

He had no idea how long it lasted, how long he was left screaming and burning and praying for mercy. When the feathers formed in their entirety there was one last flash of pain. 

Aziraphale's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he collapsed into the bed below. Small bits of smoke resonated from his entire body, now slightly charred from the fire within. 

His wings lay limp on the bed, those once half white feathers now as black as ink. Those wings trembled as lay unconscious, barely breathing. His primary and secondary feathers, the entire bottom half of his wings, had been changed to that horrid black while the tops remained white as snow. 

Back in his home, Crowley was glaring hard at himself in his full body mirror. His wings were even glowing! Just the tips, the tops remained jet black. He grit his teeth as he tried to force the glowing of his regained Halo down. It only seemed to get brighter.

He strained harder and harder until he had an odd feeling. Something in him shifted, like a broken bone being forced back to place with all the splinters reconnecting. A horrific snap that forced him to collapse into unconsciousness.

__________

The first thing he noticed was that his breathing was unhindered. The second was that he was still in bed, a horrible taste having settled on his tongue. Aziraphale groaned as he curled into himself, body aching. 

The fire was nowhere near as intense as before, more like a small ember now, but it was still uncomfortable. He began looking through himself, searching and praying until he felt it. Yes. There was still some left within him. 

He clung to it, the small amount of light enough to bring Aziraphale to relieved tears. He wasn't entirely fallen yet. He thought that one, the most agonizing shift thus far, would be the last. But he had more time. 

Dread soon took over that glee as he realized more pain would come. A wing shifted up, showing off that hard line of night and day in his wings. He could always pluck them? But to feel them grow back again…

He shuddered at the thought. Slowly, carefully, he moved himself to sit on the bed. He popped his back and stretched his arms and wings, the feathers easily hitting the ceiling now. He settled back down and sighed, his wings slowly disappearing. 

Well, he had to do something to keep the fire sated. Some breakfast, perhaps a walk, and he would go out for a walk. Hopefully this would be enough to satisfy the flames…

__________

Crowley groaned loudly as consciousness took hold. He'd collapsed in an awkward position on the floor and hadn't changed into his second form. His body was going to be in agony all day from this. Or was it?

He shut his eyes and settled down into his second form, the hue thankfully staying the same. He rather liked being a big black snake thank you very much.

He stretched out his jaw before coiling into himself. Much better…

Wait.

He hissed as he remembered where the heating pad was, not really in the mood to deal with it. So he made his way to his heated chair instead. A boop with his snoot and the plush leather began to warm. 

He settled down on top, coiling around and in the seat as best he could. A final coil slipped over his head and his tongue gave a final flicker. Nice and warm. Perfect way to waste the day.

__________

Days turned into weeks which in turn shifted into months that developed into two entire years. Two years these two refused to see one another. Two years the former Angel and demon lived their own lives, adjusting to the changes as best they could. 

And, as if by a miracle not their own, the two ended up in the same small town together. Aziraphale was sitting beside a pond, a tired expression on his face as he scanned the water. A few ducks here, a swan there. Nothing too interesting. 

He shut his eyes when he saw someone move to sit beside him, letting out a long sigh. He didn't even look in their direction, not caring to talk much as of late. He'd mostly sorted himself out, found some morals to cling to, and decided that, demon or not, he was still himself. And he was a good person.

"Is this where you've been hiding?"

Aziraphale tensed. He quickly looked to his left and was taken back by the sight of Crowley. And he'd taken on a new look once again. Long hair was in fashion apparently and his clothing was even tighter to his body. 

"Crowley? I thought- we- I"

Aziraphale sputtered for a moment before taking in a deep breath. He sat up straight and  _ properly _ addressed Crowley.

"I'm sorry."

Crowley glanced him over, spreading his legs and getting comfortable on the bench. He even spread out an arm so his hand could touch Aziraphale's shoulder if he so chose. 

"Apology accepted."

Crowley's attention turned towards the water as his friend relaxed beside him. A big weight on his shoulders it sounded like. 

"I didn't mean to- I didn't know what to- I was so angry and I didn't want to-!"

"Shut it and come here."

Crowley made a "come here" motion with the hand on the armrest and Aziraphale bit his tongue.

He slowly scooted over until he was nearly touching his friend. Were they still friends? Did Crowley still love him? He tensed when a hand slipped around his shoulders only to lean into Crowley and nuzzle into the side of his head. His hair smelled absolutely divine. New shampoo?

"I needed time too. Damn Halo took a month to die down."

Aziraphale had a twang of pain at remembering his own Halo before shoving that thought away. 

"And now I can't even use it."

Aziraphale went rigid before grabbing Crowley and looking him in the eyes. 

"Are you falling again?!"

"Wh-no!"

Crowley took Aziraphale's hands and moved them down into his own lap, forcing the man to settle on the bench beside himself. 

"It just stopped working. About a year ago. And my wings haven't shifted since…"

He thought for a bit, Aziraphale furrowing his brows at that fact. So he was stuck as well. 

"Come home with me?"

Crowley hummed at that, raising a brow. Bold. Very bold. 

"Why?"

"Are your wings white?"

Crowley looked Aziraphale over. He looked so concerned, so suddenly confused and filled with dread. 

"Yeah, let's go to your cot."

To be so suddenly miracled, and in broad daylight, to a new location had Crowley in complete and utter awe. Aziraphale, before, never would have done something this bold. And yet here they were, stepping into the small cottage out in a small village to have some privacy.

Crowley locked the door behind himself and before he could even ask what was going on Aziraphale's wings were out and on display. Crowley could only stare, eyes wide as could be behind those shades. 

His own wings ever so slowly came into being, giving a small flutter as they stretched then settled down. Crowley couldn't stop himself from slowly walking forward, beginning to circle his love. 

"How…?"

"I don't know, but they haven't changed in almost two years and yours are the same."

Crowley hummed in acknowledgement before running a hand gently down Aziraphale's left wing. He felt a touch in return on one of his own, sending a soft shiver through him. 

"I… stepped in a church sometime ago. Didn' hurt… Feet were warm."

Aziraphale gave a small nod, moving to properly face Crowley as he continued to examine those wings. The exact opposite of his own… 

"The church floor didn't burn mine either."

He'd gone to pray sometime in the first year of his change. He couldn't imagine being truly abandoned but nothing responded. And the floor was warm, unsettlingly so, but it didn't burn.

"So… are we both…?"

Aziraphale shrugged at the question, moving his fingers up to those black feathers. Crowley sighed out, moving his wing forward to allow better access. 

"I don't know what we are."

And that's when Crowley had a wicked grin slip across his lips. Everything clicked together. Finally. All the pieces. 

He grabbed Aziraphale by the shoulders, his friend freezing up at the touch. And then he was looking into wild serpentine eyes, those glasses having fallen down his nose.

"We're on  _ our _ side now! Don't you see it?"

He was absolutely beaming now, wings giving a happy flutter before stretching out. 

"We aren't angels and we're not demons- can you still make holy water? I tried, can't do it, but I can still make hellfire!"

"Crowley, calm down!"

Aziraphale took Crowley's hands off his shoulders and leaned in to gently touch their foreheads together. Oh, he missed this. He had a serene smile as wings moved to engulf him in an embrace, his own curling close to his body. 

"Calm down…"

Crowley was still grinning as he moved in to nuzzle Aziraphale's cheek, arms slipped around his friend. And then there was a squawk as Aziraphale was picked up and held in a tight embrace. 

"Crowley!"

He finally put Aziraphale down after the man started batting him with his wings. He straightened his clothing with an indignant little pout, not really catching onto what Crowley was putting out. 

"Now explain to me what you're so happy about."

Aziraphale huffed. 

Crowley let out a long sigh and took off his glasses, popping them into his pocket. 

"Aziraphale, our wings haven't changed in a  _ long  _ time. We can  _ both _ walk in a church just fine and I bet if you-"

He held out a hand and there was a small woosh as fire formed around his fingers. Aziraphale backed away from it with wide eyes, glancing from it to his deranged friend. 

"-touch this it won't hurt you!"

Aziraphale took a slow inhale before it escaped in a shudder. Crowley was either wrong, oh  _ so _ very wrong and this would maim him, or he was right and they were actually immune to the forces of Heaven and Hell.

"Or- make holy water. You're falling right? Or you were. Shouldn't be able to. Go ahead. Try it."

Aziraphale furrowed his brows. It did make sense. He glanced to an old glass he'd been drinking from earlier in the day and picked it up with an unsteady hand. Ever so slowly did he bring it up. In an instant there was a small amount of water within. And in the next he shut his eyes.

A silent prayer, a silent script memorized so long ago. He could speak it aloud but this was far more personal, far more powerful, when one kept it to themselves. The cup gave a small heavenly glow before the light disappeared. 

And then there was a giddy sound Aziraphale rarely ever heard. 

"See? We're on our  _ own _ side! Aziraphale, we did it!"

Aziraphale stared down at the water he'd made, hesitantly poking a finger in. That was very  _ very _ hot water. 

He pulled it out and looked himself over before slowly walking over to Crowley. 

"If.. if this hurts me…"

"It won't, Angel."

Oh that nickname rose up again and Aziraphale felt his cheeks color. He'd accepted he wasn't one anymore, it bothered him to think about it, but Crowley calling him that… something about it was just  _ right _ .

He held his breath as he moved his hand towards that flaming one. Fear gripped at him until he grabbed hold of it, like some sick twisted handshake.

And it felt  _ hot _ .

He yanked his hand back and blew on it, the flames disappearing just as soon as they came. And then Crowley was taking that cup from Aziraphale's grip and poking a finger in it. 

"FUCK!"

Crowley slung his hand as the water burned him, just as it had Aziraphale. It wasn't an actual wound, just too damn hot to be anywhere near comfortable. 

He blew on his hand after slinging it before grinning again towards Aziraphale.

"Our side."

Aziraphale wasn't sure if he should be elated or pissed by the fact his hand and home now smelled of  _ Hell _ again. He specifically moved because of the smell. Took a lot of miracles to get his books to lose that scent too. 

"O-Our side…"

"Mmhmm… Not Angels… not Demons…"

Crowley's voice was a purr as he moved forward, slipping his arms around Aziraphale. His wings coiled around his starstruck love as well, pulling him into some much needed warmth. 

"Ethereal…"

"Yeah. Let's go with that."

Aziraphale had a soft smile on his face as he nuzzled into the front of Crowley's shirt. He buried his face there, relief flowing through him. 

Their side…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Their side.
> 
> See. I can make happy.
> 
> They're half and half now.
> 
> Aziraphale is still closer to up top and Crowley down below but they are able to withstand the weapons used by both sides.
> 
> Heaven and Hell can do nothing now.

**Author's Note:**

> I tend to update 2-3k every now and again.
> 
> Forgive me, I work 13-14 hour shifts at the moment. (5am to 6pm)


End file.
